Thursday, January 27, 2011

Toddlers and Tiaras....and TRASH!

Watched one episode of the show. I want to throw up.

I am all for boosting my child's self esteem, building confidence, learning about competition and coping with losing and creating a great public speaker. But is putting on tons of make up, false teeth and wigs the way to do it???? I don't think so. These moronic parents (mostly mothers)insist that's why they put their kids in these god awful pageants. Really? Is that why?

I noticed that most of these mothers are obese, ugly or both. My opinion is they are reliving their ugly and miserable childhood by making their girls even more attractive to pedophiles. The mothers also justify entering their kids into these pageants because they can win great cash prizes. Obviously the mothers don't understand basic math....If you spend $500.00 to $1,000.00 on dresses, another $200 to $800.00 on bathing suits and then even more money and makeup, but you win $500.00 in the are still in the red BIG TIME. Duh.

I truly believe that this show should be watched by social workers. It will give them the proof they need to educate other parents on how NOT to be parents. I don't think these pageant moms are damaging their child enough to be taken away..but perhaps they can be persuaded to take a parenting class or the government can intervene to have these mothers sterilized.

Here are some of the examples of awful mothering I witnessed on this show:

1. A five year old using a pacifier in between events? Does the mom think that because the older pageant kids wear false teeth anyway it won't matter what her kid's teeth end up looking like? Plus to have a five year old dependent on that thing? I'm sure that dependency will lead to other vices, or even worse, other oral fixations when she's a teen. She'll end up on MTV's Teen Mom. Oh wait, you can't get pregnant that way.

2. Feeding a girl (I'm talking 8 or younger I'm sure) Red Bull and Pixie Sticks. Why stop there? How about a handful of Ecstasy and some strobe lights for her talent. I'm not trying to put out a Holier than Thou vibe, but my kids, now ages 6 and 3 think they are allergic to soda. That way they don't ask for it and when they see other kids with it, they believe it will make them sick and they can't have it. Why get them started? (unlike me, where I need my Coke or Dr.Pepper fix a couple times a week). Like the girl in #1, if she starts off on Red Bull, what will that escalate to? Is Red Bull a gateway drink to harsher beverages? Lattes at 10 years old? As for the Pixie Sticks...with childhood obesity on the rise, why not just give her a packet of sweet and low instead? I smell a good case of diabetes for this poor kid.

3. Having a child's eyebrow waxed??? Come on! That is a little extreme. The poor girl was crying and begging for mercy! Is the friggin $500 and trophy worth your child begging to stop the pain. Yes, it stings..but for a kid with sensitive youthful skin, that sting has got to feel a lot worse! I never even heard of eyebrow waxing until my late 20's when someone suggested I do it for my wedding. And you should have seen my eyebrows! I looked like a descendant of Bert from Sesame Street. Go ahead, check out my facebook pictures and see my college photos. I ain't lying.

4. Other bells and whistles such as spray tanning, wigs / hair pieces, false teeth, false eyelashes and even acrylic nails. Acrylic nails, on a five year old. Give me a break! Is having nice nails really going to be a deal breaker at a kid's beauty pageant? Oh, her talent was explaining in full accuracy the string theory while juggling, but her she had a chip in her nail paint so she's disqualified. Do these mom's realize how damaging the acrylic nails are to the nail beds? Do they also realize how damaging it is to the child to not believe in their true beauty? That they can only be beautiful with all this crap???? More ranting on this below:

What kills me the most is that the mothers claim that the "Beauty Pageant" is all about being a well rounded person. Hmmmm..then why is sooo much money spent and focus on the physical beauty? And then why don't then call it an "Amazing Ability" pageant? It's hard not to be beautiful with the magic of makeup, wigs, spray tanning and false everything else. If it ISN'T a beauty pageant, why go through all that trouble? To be honest, young girls are really, really cute! Why don't they have the pageant based on their true beauty? Without smoke and mirrors? That would be a real contest. I mean who is actually the true winner in this contest, the kid or the person who did the best job applying the makeup? Maybe the makeup artist should get the trophy.

The girls should get up on stage, sans makeup and frills, speak and perform a talent. Let the girls know, at a young age, that they can be successful, talented and a well rounded person without faking their appearance.

On the episode I watched, a pageant mother said,"Let's be honest, better looking people become more successful". Ok, so why send your kid to school or promote good grades? Why even bother with the talent then? And if your kid is beautiful only because you put tons of applications on their face and head to make them that way, will they truly be successful?

By the way, have you ever seen a picture of Bill Gates, Oprah or Hillary Clinton??????????????

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Eat Me

Fitness fanatics are self righteous assholes! Seriously! I don't mean the people who go to the gym and work out and keep in shape. I mean the people who get involved with legislation and persuade the government to implement these cockamamie rules and laws for dining. I would like to take my fork and poke it into their asses!

Ok, so I would say I'm "average" when it comes to eating and fitness. In my former life when I worked full time but didn't have kids, I went to the gym several times a week. I didn't necessarily eat well at all times but I wasn't a pig either. Prior to giving birth I was about 5'1" and 103 pounds. I am not 103 anymore, but my pants size are still single digits. I am not one to over do it either. At all you can eat buffets (which usually suck anyway), the restaurant makes money off of me. I don't take advantage and when I'm done, I'm done. There are people out there that don't know when to stop or just enjoy it so much they don't want to. BUT....who the fuck am I to get government involved? Should I start legislation to put a limit on the amount of times a customer can get up and put more food on his plate? No, because I'm not an asshole.

My anger started quite some time ago which I'll get into later...but the camel's back broke when I went to Ihop for breakfast last week. It was a Saturday morning and the kids were at a sleepover. Hooray! I had the morning off! I could sleep later, I don't have to rush off to dance school. Free for a few hours! My husband and I decide to grab some breakfast. We go to Ihop (which I have dubbed ICrap because it makes me crap more than it makes me hop). Anyway, I open the menu to browse and what the fuck do I see? Calorie counters for each menu item! (let out a big sigh here). You know, I really, really want to enjoy my breakfast. I don't want to see the damage! I know it's not going to be the healthiest meal. I knew that going in! If I wanted healthy and not very tasty I would have stayed home and made some egg whites with no cheese and some plain oatmeal with no flavoring like yummy maple and brown sugar. Putting the calorie counter on it really just turned me off to wanting to order anything. Some of the meals had over a thousand calories! I can't do that, especially since I no longer work out. BUT, if the calories were not listed, SURE I would have ordered it! These self righteous assholes (for now on referred to as SRA) cry to the government that since THEY want to know, everyone else should know too. Heck no! I enjoy being in denial. I'm an adult who can make my own decisions and I don't need information shoved in my face. If I want to know, I will ask. If these SRA's are so worried about not knowing the calories of a meal, they can do one of the following:
1. Don't go to the restaurant.
2. Look up the calories on-line before they go.
3. Ask the manager to see documentation.
4. Eat it anyway and then stick their finger down their throat and throw it up. Viola'! Calories be gone!

As I mentioned, my anger started a while ago. I heard on the radio that some person, group, whatever- an SRA, was getting the government involved with Happy Meals at McDonalds. They were complaining that happy meals should not contain toys because it targets children and makes the children want unhealthy foods. Huh??? For real??? A parent, who I am assuming is a grown up, needs the government involved so they can tell their child "NO"? I don't get it. Of course a kid is going to want a toy! My daughters constantly ask for those annoying, toxic play things that they only get when an Aunt takes them for lunch. But it's really up to the adult in this situation to decide what food items they purchase. McDonalds does has apple slices. They have salads AND you can even purchase the stupid toy without buying a Happy Meal. But you know what? If I want to splurge once in a while and get my kid a freaking toy AND some french fries on the side..I should be allowed to do it. I don't need big brother telling me that it's not a good healthy choice. I know that fuckheads..but if it's not a constant, it's not lethal.

Listen up, SRA's....You don't go to a strip club for spiritual guidance. You don't got to a candy store and ask for diet pills. And when you go to a place like IHop or McDonalds, you know what you are in for when you pull into the parking lot. Stop playing Holier Than Thou and make your own wise decisions. Don't force the government to make them for everybody else too.

Now excuse me while I go throw up my McGriddle. It has waaay too many calories.