Digruntled at Dunkin Donuts

NO, not with an employee...with a customer.

I rarely go to Dunkin Donuts..maybe once or twice a month. However, when I go on my way to work I seem to encounter the same douche bag lady.

This is what she looks like so that you can identify her:

1. Fake tan. Ok, I'll give her credit that she does not look orange. But a tan so even with no hit of sunburn..obvious that she wasn't running or biking or even speed walking outside to acquire that tan.

2. She's in her mid 40's and wearing Juicy across her butt. Ok, when she purchased her pants at Mandy's, the person at the counter most likely asked her if she needed a gift receipt. Once she replied "no", they should have refused service to her. She is waaay too old for that kind of attraction. Maybe.... just maybe.... she's young at heart. But her ovaries are going to dinner at 4:00 and to bed by 6:00.

2a. She wears a thong and wants us all to know it. I don't care to know it. It doesn't particularly make her ass look nice either. She still has the cottage cheese. Maybe she should be wearing some Spanx instead. And yes, I was checking out her ass...but it was only because the Juicy caught my eye. I thought it was a billboard.

3. She carries the dog....under her arm! This is the most annoying attribute someone can have. You like accessories? Wear a charm bracelet, not a dog. I am an animal lover and a dog owner. I especially love when I just whisper the word "car" and my dogs does the "I'm going in the car" dance. Jumping around, knocking over kids, throwing things off the table with her tail and skidding across the floor in her race to the door. But, if I decide to treat her with a quick ride, I'll leave her in the car. She can wait. There is no reason for the dog to go inside a store. Dogs are kind of like kids...Nobody thinks yours is cute but you.

Anyway, you are probably wondering why I DESPISE this woman. Why am I so OUTRAGED??
Is it because I'm jealous of her tan? Nope. Is it because she wears tight sweat pants with thong underwear? NO. My ass may not look so good to the naked eye, but at least I dress to compliment it. It's because:

I HELD THE DOOR OPENED FOR HER AND SHE DIDN'T SAY THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, that set me off! I am ANGRY! I am FURIOUS! I am ENRAGED! I HAVE HAD IT!!!!!!It may seem as though I am over reacting but here's the scenario:

In one hand I have the hand of a two year old.
In the other hand I have hot coffee and a donut for said two year old.

I am leaving Dunkin Donuts..I push the door open with my shoulder and then see Ms. Juicy Butt With Dog approaching. Though I am extremely inconvenienced, I hold the door open with my ass to allow her in before I exit.

Well, the bitch, and I don't mean the furry yapper under her arm, didn't even acknowledge me. Not a head nod, not a word of gratitude!!!

So as she is walking away from me I tell her "I am not your #!?$# date! If you aren't going to thank me, at least give me a tip". The other people in Dunkin Donuts seemed to like my response but she either acted like she didn't hear it OR she is so self absorbed she didn't think it was intended for her. Next time: I stick my foot out. Don't f'kin (I know last time I used symbols, I'm inconsistent, so sue me) waltz in here acting like you bathe in Coco Chanel when you really stink of Loves Baby Soft. Hmmph!

And while we are on the topic of Dunkin Donuts....why do they use the waxed paper to grab my muffin, donut, bagel, whatever, to provide some sort of illusion of being sanitary. But then they throw that waxed paper in the bag with my food!!! WTF!!! The waxed paper that touched their hand is now touching my food! Know what? Wear plastic gloves, leave them on all day and charge me 5 cents more for my donut.

- Just Thinking Out Loud