Wednesday, September 15, 2010


The only time people are genuinely happy to see a smoker is when they need a match. Have you ever gone to a birthday party and there's no match to light the candles? That's when the host walks around with a big smile on her face and asks, "Do you smoke?" Normally the host would be annoyed at a smoker but this time she has a sparkle in her eye, a glimmer of hope that someone's gross habit can benefit her.

Truly, this is NOT a lecture on smoking. I could not care less if someone is a smoker. In my opinion, it's your body, you do what you wish with it. Even if the decision is a stupid one, it's your decision, your body and only you pay the consequences. Wanna smoke crack? Inhale glue? Add piercings or ink to your skin? Hit yourself in the head with a frying pan? Go on ahead!!! Do it to yourself. What do I care? To be honest, if cigarettes tasted like chocolate cake or an apple martini, I would be all over it. (Any marketers out might want to pick up on this tip).

The one thing I absolutely hate about people who smoke is that they are litter bugs!!! Ok, like smoking isn't gross enough but do you have to drop your ashes and the butt of the cigarette wherever you happen to be? I was at the beach, alone for once and I relished in the tranquility. I was sitting in my beach chair, eyes closed, fingers grazing the sand. Aaaaaahhhh. But then, ICK! Fucking ICK! While combing my fingers through the sand I grabbed someone's finished cigarette. I wanted to vomit!!! It totally ruined my zen mood. It's just disgusting. Do I know where this person's mouth has been? What kind of germs am I going to get by touching this person's saliva? Even more so, why can't this smoker get off of his or her ASS and throw the butt in the garbage? Then I even made myself more nauseous by convincing myself that I was not only combing my fingers through the sand but through cigarette ashes too.

Let's just say I have a habit too. Not not a terribly harmful one, but I'm addicted nonetheless. For the sake of this argument, let's say my habit is picking my nose (wink, wink). Is it disgusting? Yes. Will it harm me? I'm sure eventually it will. Here are the effects of nose picking:

You can open the door to bacteria and infections. Avid nose-pickers may see more pimples in and around the nose due to increased oil deposits from the fingers. For a very small minority of the nostril-inclined, the consequences of their behavior have been nothing to sneeze at. You can brake a blood vessel that require cauterization (a burning process that deadens tissue) to halt the bleeding that resulted.

Now, nose picking is not as controversial as smoking but imagine if I'm a flicker. When I'm done with my booger, what if I decide to just leave it anywhere, like a smoker would do with his ashes or butt. What if leave it on a stair railing and you touch it? That's like vomit level of gross, right? What if I flick it and it accidentally lands on you? Ewww, I'm shivering with the thought. And even worse, but kind of serious, what if I pick, draw blood or not draw blood and then open a public door without washing or sanitizing my hand? ..And you're the person who touches that door handle right after me!!!! Now do you see my point?

How about a less serious issue. My habit now is chewing gum. I open the wrapper, and if I take the route of a smoker, I will throw the wrapper on the ground. Why? Because I'm done with it, that's why. That's what smokers do. They throw their trash on the ground. Then I chew. Now I'm done with the gum. Should I go out of my way to find a safe way to dispose it? No, I'm following the footsteps of a smoker. I throw it down, that's most convenient for me. Do I care if someone steps in it and tracks it with them? Not really. It's not my gum anymore so I don't really care what happens next.

Same goes for smokers. What do they think happens with their ashes and butts when they are done? Just because THEY are finished,doesn't mean it just goes away. People walk through their smoke (because they HAVE to stand in front of the doorway) and take home the smell with them. People walk through their ashes and bring it via soles into their car and homes.

I'm sure I'll hear shit from smokers...and I say go ahead! Leave a comment! I would love to hear your point a view (click on the comment button below if you dare). All I ask is that if you are going to destroy your lives, go ahead, just BUTT out of mine. And give hoot, don't pollute.