My daughter is a cheerleader for the Police Athletic League. It's grouped by towns and they completely fund the group through donations and volunteers. There is a small cost to join, but there are no tryouts or cuts. You pay, you play. It's all in good fun. It's especially fun for us since this particular football is undefeated for the 2nd year in a row and it's awesome to watch. My family does their part every home game. I bake for the bake sale and my husband work the chains for which they are ALWAYS asking for volunteers.
The two cheer leading coaches are terrific. I just love them. They are young (probably around 19 -early 20's) and they volunteer their time three days a week. Two evening practices and game day. I really do admire them because when I was their age, I spent all my free time either going to a bar with my fake id, studying or watching Lifetime movies. I certainly wasn't wasting my time with nine and ten year old whiny, snot nosed kids. They are great role models for our girls and I know the girls look up to them.
I bet you're wondering what the issue is then. Stacey ALWAYS has an issue to bitch about on her blog, right?
Well, here it goes: I sent an email out to all the parents of the cheer leaders (there are about 30). It was about a month before the last game. I wrote how I really appreciate the coaches and I'm planning on giving them a monetary gift since they do not get paid for the wonderful job they do. I invited all the parents to join me in this gift. I suggested an amount of $10.00 per family but it's really their discretion on what they wanted to or could give. As much of a big mouth as I am, I am not into pressuring people. If they want to give, then great, if they don't then I don't bother or ask. I wrote in the email that I will be at every game and if they don't know who I am, I gave my phone number to call or text me at the game and we will find each other. I also wrote that I will be at every practice if they wanted to hand me a donation. I made it real easy. At the second to last game, just in case someone was unintentionally left off the email, or forgot to come find me at games, I walked up and down the bleachers with a large envelope shouting that I was collecting for the coaches gift.
About 1/2 the parents gave. Not great but whatever. I was able to give the coaches a gift that I wouldn't be embarrassed to give. The day before I was going to give the gift, I sent out an email thanking those who contributed. I also mentioned that to be fair, I would sign a card and list all the family names in alphabetical order. Wouldn't want anyone to accuse me of having a pecking order.
Two days after this, I received an email from a mother of one of the cheerleaders. It accused me of ostracizing those parents who "forgot to give" or did not give towards the gift for financial reasons by not signing their names to my card. She ranted about "not being able to afford" to give, not that it's my business and (direct quote here) "her personal financial situation is not one that the public needs to be privy to." She also mentioned that she will be sending the coaches her own personal token of appreciation at a later time.
Huhhh? Her personal financial situation is not one that the public needs to be privy to? I don't recall asking for financial statements, nor did I post anyone's income taxes or related document for the public to see. I wrote an email back to her stating that I apologized that she felt that way. (Notice I did not apologize for my act - but for her attitude about it) and I explained that I wasn't about to force anyone to give. If someone did not contribute, I didn't say "oh come on"! I didn't beg, and I didn't ask why. First of all I didn't care. Second of all everyone has their reasons. Not for me to determine that they should give a gift to the coaches. It was optional. Then to say that I ostracized them. I don't think so. If I wanted to do that, instead of writing the names of the contributors on the card, I would have wrote "this card is from everybody EXCEPT (and listed names).
Once I hit send, I realized, that she didn't just send me the note, she copied her husband and the woman who is in charge of all the PAL cheerleading. What a douche!!! Like that woman has nothing better to do or even wants to be dragged into the squabble of parents. I got more mad at the fact that she copied people than at her idiotic accusations. So I wrote an email to the head of the cheerleading lady that if I don't collect for the coaches as I did this year or the year before, that she can thank Ms. Smith. I added that I will continue to show my support by baking, private donations and my husband will continue to volunteer at all the home games. Oh, and I copied Ms. Smith and her husband. Was it childish? You bet. Did I mean it? Probably not. I just wanted to be obnoxious because that's what I'm good at. My version of saying "nanny nanny poo poo on you."
Well, of course then the husband has to pipe in and save his damsel in distress. Ugh. Really? This isn't done. She says her thing, I say my thing and that's it. Isn't this how it's supposed to go down? I guess not in Whinersville.
This was the dad's response: If my wife pointing out her concern with how only those who could / did donate where exclusively included on the card given to the coaches caused me to write such a strong statement then he would personally take on the responsibility next year and that he felt no reason that the coaches should not be shown appreciation for their efforts. Oh, there was much more to this email but this about sums up the nonsense.
So let me get this straight: You wouldn't contribute anything, ANYTHING, to my collection. Not even an offer to make a card. Not even an offer to take the collection and use your time only to buy the gift card. But you will personally organize it next year? You see no reason why the coaches should not be shown appreciation but you refused to show appreciation. The dollar donation was too much money for you but yet you can give your daughter a dollar every week to buy something at the concession stand. Ok. That's not hypocritical or anything. Let me get another thing straight. You are offended because I didn't sign your name to a card attached to a gift that you didn't give??????? This boggles my mind. Hey asshole, the gift wasn't from you. I don't give gifts to people and sign random names to the card. When I bake the brownies every week, I don't put your fucking name on the container either. Why? Because YOU didn't contribute them! I did! Plus, there's 30 girls in the group. I didn't even KNOW everyone's name. Other than a handful of people, I only new the names of the people who gave. Because I asked them their name and wrote it down.
So, asshole...your wife says that she will be providing her own token of appreciation at a later date. Are you going to practice what you preach by signing MY name to your card? Huh? You friggin better or else I'm going to send you a nasty email. Oh, and I'll copy everyone too, just to be a jerkoff just like you.
Phew....I publically vented my frustration. At least it's nicer than "making the public privy of their financial situation". Now I'll just make the public privy of their assholeness and stupidity. Oh, and since they like credit where credit, even when they don't deserve it, their real name is Smith. Happy? I signed your name biiiatch.
Monday, November 11, 2013
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
It's Disney's World...we just live in it
I recently took my kids to our first trip to Disneyworld. So exciting! The only time I went I was 21 years old. The magic was lost on me. I think to experience the "Wonder" of Disney that many people speak of, you have to experience it at a young age when you still believe the characters are real and not creepy people in costumes.
I wouldn't be me if something didn't piss me off. Even at the wonderful world of Disney. First off, we never even saw Mickey, Minney, Donald, Goofy and the gang. I thought they would be walking around saying hi to the kids. What, was it their day off or something? Turns out they no longer walk around. YOU have to now GO TO THEM! They have huts or something that you go to and wait on line in order to see them and get an autograph. Bullshit. Why the hell do they even call it Disney World if the Disney characters aren't present? They should just call it Orlando Amusements. You would think that for the outrageous price tag on the entrance ticket and the amount of time you spend on line not really doing anything, Mickey can make a fucking appearance and say hi. It would almost be like going to a wedding and the bride doesn't go around to each table to say hi and thank you for coming. Instead, she sits in a room and waits for people to come see her.
By now, everyone must know that if you are in a wheelchair or show a handicapped card, you can cut the line. This just drives me insane for several reasons:
1. If you are in a wheelchair, you are at least sitting. The rest of us schmucks have to stand in line. Standing is more taxing than sitting. If you are sitting down the whole time, why can't you wait with the rest of us? It's not like sitting in a chair for a 1/2 hour while on line will tire them out. How does sitting in a chair warrant going to the exit and cutting the line? I cry bullshit for the 2nd time this post.
2. Everyday we are being told by schools, social media and the news that people are equal. It doesn't matter what color the person is, what country they are from or if they are handicapped or not. Places of work have to spend money to accommodate a person in a wheelchair if hired. They can't be turned down based on their handicap. Everything has to be fair. Then how come it doesn't have to be fair at Disney? It's like, people get pissed off if they are treated differently due to their disability. However, if this treatment actually benefits them, then it's ok. How about we treat them equally and make them wait on line with us.
3. THE RENTED WHEELCHAIRS SHOULD NOT COUNT!!!! Ok, I understand why some people would need to rent a wheelchair at Disney. People like my father in law. He is functioning on a partial lung. In everyday life, he does pretty well, but there is no way in hell he could navigate around Disney without passing out. I get it. However, if you rent a wheelchair at Disney, it does mean that you can obviously function without one in the real world. So, if you can function without one in real life, you should not get the benefit of cutting the line just because you need to be rolled around Disney. I see these old people in rented wheelchairs who have their grand child sitting on their lap...then they go to the special line and get to go first. This is beyond bullshit.
Oh, and get this. We did not purchase our tickets on line first. We bought when we got there. I swear to God there was a ticket booth with two people inside. TWO PEOPLE! That's insane! Millions of people visit Disney each day. What the hell are they thinking only having two ticket sales people??? It took forever! We are finally at Disney, the kids are anxious to run in, but no, we have to wait a 1/2 hour just to buy the ticket to get in. Even Shoprite has more money takers than that and has less than half the population each day. Absolutely ridiculous. Speaking of Shoprite, I have to admit that whoever invented this "Speed Pass" is a friggin genius! If you are not familiar, Speed Pass works like this: You want to go on a ride, but the displayed wait time shows that you have to wait for an hour to get on this ride. Instead, you get a ticket for a "speed pass" and the ticket tells you what time (an hour window) to come back. Then, when it's your designated time, you go with this special ticket on a different line and Viola! Quick access to the ride. During that time you have to wait for the speed pass to be active, you can go on another ride that has a lesser wait time, or you can shop, get some grub, whatever! It really did assist us on being able to go on all the rides in the short time we had there. I wish EVERYTHING has speed pass. Imagine, walking into Shoprite, getting your speed pass for the check out time. It gives you a time of a 1/2 hour away from when you got it. You put all your items in the shopping cart and then by the time your are done, you go to your special speed pass line and check out right away. No waiting on line behind someone arguing the price or with a million coupons. No kids whining "when are we going home?". I think I'm on to something here.
I also think that for the amount of money spent to get into Disney, they should have some control over the weather. It's like, I feel I paid enough money to guarantee that it won't rain and I won't be stuck seeking shelter crammed into a souvenir shop. It rained several times when I was there. In fact I was waiting on line, which happened to be indoors (no fast pass this time) and when it became our turn to ride the roller coaster it was pouring! They still let us on the ride, but for me it totally sucked having the rain in my face. Of course the kids loved it that way, so I should be happy. Right? Fortunately, my kids have the bestest, smartest mother in the world and I packed ponchos in my day trip bag that I schlepped all over Disney. No need to spend $20 bucks on a plastic shmata that will rip into pieces after the rain. Back to the topic, I'm thinking they should just put a big dome over Disney to control the weather. Fire the characters that are too lazy to walk around and use that salary money to build my dome.
All in all, it was a great trip. With only 2 days, we needed to plot and scheme as if we were surviving the Hunger Games. Though we arrived home weathered and exhausted, we are happy that we are survivors. A good time that I really never need to do again.
I wouldn't be me if something didn't piss me off. Even at the wonderful world of Disney. First off, we never even saw Mickey, Minney, Donald, Goofy and the gang. I thought they would be walking around saying hi to the kids. What, was it their day off or something? Turns out they no longer walk around. YOU have to now GO TO THEM! They have huts or something that you go to and wait on line in order to see them and get an autograph. Bullshit. Why the hell do they even call it Disney World if the Disney characters aren't present? They should just call it Orlando Amusements. You would think that for the outrageous price tag on the entrance ticket and the amount of time you spend on line not really doing anything, Mickey can make a fucking appearance and say hi. It would almost be like going to a wedding and the bride doesn't go around to each table to say hi and thank you for coming. Instead, she sits in a room and waits for people to come see her.
By now, everyone must know that if you are in a wheelchair or show a handicapped card, you can cut the line. This just drives me insane for several reasons:
1. If you are in a wheelchair, you are at least sitting. The rest of us schmucks have to stand in line. Standing is more taxing than sitting. If you are sitting down the whole time, why can't you wait with the rest of us? It's not like sitting in a chair for a 1/2 hour while on line will tire them out. How does sitting in a chair warrant going to the exit and cutting the line? I cry bullshit for the 2nd time this post.
2. Everyday we are being told by schools, social media and the news that people are equal. It doesn't matter what color the person is, what country they are from or if they are handicapped or not. Places of work have to spend money to accommodate a person in a wheelchair if hired. They can't be turned down based on their handicap. Everything has to be fair. Then how come it doesn't have to be fair at Disney? It's like, people get pissed off if they are treated differently due to their disability. However, if this treatment actually benefits them, then it's ok. How about we treat them equally and make them wait on line with us.
3. THE RENTED WHEELCHAIRS SHOULD NOT COUNT!!!! Ok, I understand why some people would need to rent a wheelchair at Disney. People like my father in law. He is functioning on a partial lung. In everyday life, he does pretty well, but there is no way in hell he could navigate around Disney without passing out. I get it. However, if you rent a wheelchair at Disney, it does mean that you can obviously function without one in the real world. So, if you can function without one in real life, you should not get the benefit of cutting the line just because you need to be rolled around Disney. I see these old people in rented wheelchairs who have their grand child sitting on their lap...then they go to the special line and get to go first. This is beyond bullshit.
Oh, and get this. We did not purchase our tickets on line first. We bought when we got there. I swear to God there was a ticket booth with two people inside. TWO PEOPLE! That's insane! Millions of people visit Disney each day. What the hell are they thinking only having two ticket sales people??? It took forever! We are finally at Disney, the kids are anxious to run in, but no, we have to wait a 1/2 hour just to buy the ticket to get in. Even Shoprite has more money takers than that and has less than half the population each day. Absolutely ridiculous. Speaking of Shoprite, I have to admit that whoever invented this "Speed Pass" is a friggin genius! If you are not familiar, Speed Pass works like this: You want to go on a ride, but the displayed wait time shows that you have to wait for an hour to get on this ride. Instead, you get a ticket for a "speed pass" and the ticket tells you what time (an hour window) to come back. Then, when it's your designated time, you go with this special ticket on a different line and Viola! Quick access to the ride. During that time you have to wait for the speed pass to be active, you can go on another ride that has a lesser wait time, or you can shop, get some grub, whatever! It really did assist us on being able to go on all the rides in the short time we had there. I wish EVERYTHING has speed pass. Imagine, walking into Shoprite, getting your speed pass for the check out time. It gives you a time of a 1/2 hour away from when you got it. You put all your items in the shopping cart and then by the time your are done, you go to your special speed pass line and check out right away. No waiting on line behind someone arguing the price or with a million coupons. No kids whining "when are we going home?". I think I'm on to something here.
I also think that for the amount of money spent to get into Disney, they should have some control over the weather. It's like, I feel I paid enough money to guarantee that it won't rain and I won't be stuck seeking shelter crammed into a souvenir shop. It rained several times when I was there. In fact I was waiting on line, which happened to be indoors (no fast pass this time) and when it became our turn to ride the roller coaster it was pouring! They still let us on the ride, but for me it totally sucked having the rain in my face. Of course the kids loved it that way, so I should be happy. Right? Fortunately, my kids have the bestest, smartest mother in the world and I packed ponchos in my day trip bag that I schlepped all over Disney. No need to spend $20 bucks on a plastic shmata that will rip into pieces after the rain. Back to the topic, I'm thinking they should just put a big dome over Disney to control the weather. Fire the characters that are too lazy to walk around and use that salary money to build my dome.
All in all, it was a great trip. With only 2 days, we needed to plot and scheme as if we were surviving the Hunger Games. Though we arrived home weathered and exhausted, we are happy that we are survivors. A good time that I really never need to do again.
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Birthday Bash
It's the age. My youngest daughter is six and is in kindergarten. If this were an age named by the Chinese, it would be Year of the Birthday Parties. In kindergarten, I guess parents start the socialization and attempt at popularity of their children. They have outlandish birthday parties and invite all the kids. The more kids that are invited, the more accepted the child is. Hence, hopefully this acceptance will carry on through elementary school and so on. Then their kid will be one of the cool ones. At least they got the ball rolling. Phew.
I don't mind taking my daughter to the birthday parties. At least it's an excuse for me to eat cake. I won't even do the "let's wait until another grown up has a piece and then I'll have one" schtick. I take the first one when offered so I can break the ice for the others.
The one thing I do hate is when I go to a birthday party and I have to work (i.e. supervise / observe my child). If it's not a drop off party I really either just want to talk to another parent or sit and read a book. I'm not going to help cut the cake or hand out the pizza. Not my job. Hire an event planner. If you read one of my earlier blog posts, I wrote about parties at the Funplex. I had to follow my kids around because the place is such a zoo that it would be easy for them to get lost or even kidnapped. Not my kind of party. I prefer the close nit, not open to the public venues. The ones where the only kids you will see or interact with are the kids that are invited to this particular party.
I just went to a party yesterday and it was at a gym. At first I was like, how lame. What are the kids going to pump iron or do jumping jacks? I almost declined but decided that perhaps I should aid my daughter in her friendship gathering. I have never been to this gym and when I arrived I was in for a huge surprise. There was an outdoor pool with a cool slide and tons of lounge chairs. It looked like a country club pool. Then I get inside and the place was like a hotel. It had a salon, a cafe, couches in the entrance. Sounds awesome, right? It was a very cool place. But here is where I start to twitch and feel my inner bitchiness oozing.
1. The first activity was rock wall climbing. In theory it's a lot of fun. However, if you are hosting a birthday party mixing 5 and 6 year old kids, harnesses and rock wall climbing...have experienced supervision. My daughter is tiny. 6 years old wearing size 4 clothes. Her limbs are short. Not really made for rock climbing. I certainly wasn't going to discourage her and I really wanted her to be successful at it. So she is hooked up to the harness she takes the first step, and off she goes. She doesn't get too far, but she's kind of stuck. There is no person guiding her. The "attendant" standing next to her isn't even watching her. She's looking off in space somewhere or perhaps watching another child in another lane. My daughter is hanging onto the chain with both hands and swinging because she lost her footing and has no idea what the fuck to do. So I have to run from my window ledge that I have made into a seat and "catch her." Now, I knew she was harnessed in and that she wasn't going to fall, but I don't think that SHE realized that. Could the fucking attendant have helped her? Maybe guide her feet to the correct rock. Or how about just using words to let my daughter know that she's ok and won't fall down? Pissed me off. Of course my daughter wanted to go back on line and try it again - twice. Fine with me, I would love her to succeed in this rock climbing. But every time she went up, she got stuck hanging with no help. DON'T HAVE A PARTY WHERE A PARENT HAS TO PARTICIPATE IN THE ENTERTAINMENT OF THE CHILDREN. Had I not been there, she would have been dangling from the wall for g-d knows how long.
2. Then it was off to the pool for the next activity on the itinerary. Great, so instead of having a nice little roped off section for the birthday party...they throw the kids into a general swim. Did I mention that this pool was HUGE? So, it's not even like these kids are a cohesive group. They are all doing independent swimming. When I think of birthday parties, I think of a group doing something together. It could be sitting at a table painting pottery, or as simple as playing a game of pin the tail on the donkey. But this? It was just like we all happened to be at the same place at the same time, but there was no togetherness. Plus, it was about 100 degrees out that day. There were a million people in the pool. Though I didn't doubt the skills of the lifeguards, I truly felt that there were too many people for the lifeguards to handle. I stood at the edge of the pool and policed my own daughter. Go ahead, call me a helicopter mom (which I'm really not). But I was pretty sure that if some kid dunked my daughter, who can't swim without floaties under water, I would notice it before the lifeguard watching a million other people would. Again, I was annoyed. Arrange for a small area for the kids to play together and be supervised. DON'T HAVE A PARTY WHERE A PARENT HAS TO PARTICIPATE IN THE ENTERTAINMENT OF THE CHILDREN
3. Now this is gonna sound nutty. I almost bitch slapped a woman over a piece of pizza. Really. So they handed out the pizza. My daughter put a slice in her mouth and then before biting she put it back down on the plate and said "mom". I thought she wanted me to blow on it, so I started walking over to her. As I'm walking over, another mom (not the birthday girl's mom) grabbed the plate and gave it to another kid. As I stand there with my mouth opened and a puzzled look on my face, she says "That was a 'boy' plate." I swear, I was so shocked and so many things were running through my head that absolutely NOTHING came out. In my head I was like "What the Fuck???" Not because it happened to MY daughter. But who does that? Who takes a full plate away, from a child, because they believe the design on the plate is gender related? Like my daughter gave fuck. She already put the pizza in her mouth!!!! So then I go to get her another piece, not paying attention to what gender the plate is, and it turns out there is no more left. Oh, there is pizza left, but not the plain kind the kids love. Designer pizzas with veggies and crap for the grown ups. So the plainest I can find is just sauce with some fresh mozzarella. I mean, I would like it but my girl just gave me a look like, "really? what happened to my yummy pizza and what's this crap here with no cheese"? I told her to just eat it. I became even more furious. I'm new to this town and I didn't want to cause a scene, but if I could go back in time and point out to everyone else what an ass that woman is, I would. I'm kind of hoping I see her at kindergarten graduation so I can say to my husband with the pizza nazi in ear shot "that's the wacko who took the pizza from (enter daughter's name here) because it was on a BOY PLATE. This time, it was the PARENT who needed supervision at the party, not the kid.
Let's agree, for the future of our youth and for the sanity of all parents, to go back to basics. House parties with cardboard party hats, a game of "Wonder ball" or hit a pinata, some cake and fruit punch, open presents, get a goodie bag and balloon and call it a day. When I was younger and went to such parties in my friends' basements, I have no idea if my mom was there or not. She might have dropped me off or now that I am grown up and know better, perhaps the moms were upstairs boozing it up and gossiping.
This trend of having parties with the general public involved, not knowing who is a participant of this gathering is and who is not, letting kids run amok without any guidance or supervision must end. It exhausts me. I would go hungry, I would go blind, I would jump off a cliff for my kids...but I don't think I can bear another fucking birthday party. G-d I hope their classmates' parents don't see this. I would hate for them to be excluded from a party.
I don't mind taking my daughter to the birthday parties. At least it's an excuse for me to eat cake. I won't even do the "let's wait until another grown up has a piece and then I'll have one" schtick. I take the first one when offered so I can break the ice for the others.
The one thing I do hate is when I go to a birthday party and I have to work (i.e. supervise / observe my child). If it's not a drop off party I really either just want to talk to another parent or sit and read a book. I'm not going to help cut the cake or hand out the pizza. Not my job. Hire an event planner. If you read one of my earlier blog posts, I wrote about parties at the Funplex. I had to follow my kids around because the place is such a zoo that it would be easy for them to get lost or even kidnapped. Not my kind of party. I prefer the close nit, not open to the public venues. The ones where the only kids you will see or interact with are the kids that are invited to this particular party.
I just went to a party yesterday and it was at a gym. At first I was like, how lame. What are the kids going to pump iron or do jumping jacks? I almost declined but decided that perhaps I should aid my daughter in her friendship gathering. I have never been to this gym and when I arrived I was in for a huge surprise. There was an outdoor pool with a cool slide and tons of lounge chairs. It looked like a country club pool. Then I get inside and the place was like a hotel. It had a salon, a cafe, couches in the entrance. Sounds awesome, right? It was a very cool place. But here is where I start to twitch and feel my inner bitchiness oozing.
1. The first activity was rock wall climbing. In theory it's a lot of fun. However, if you are hosting a birthday party mixing 5 and 6 year old kids, harnesses and rock wall climbing...have experienced supervision. My daughter is tiny. 6 years old wearing size 4 clothes. Her limbs are short. Not really made for rock climbing. I certainly wasn't going to discourage her and I really wanted her to be successful at it. So she is hooked up to the harness she takes the first step, and off she goes. She doesn't get too far, but she's kind of stuck. There is no person guiding her. The "attendant" standing next to her isn't even watching her. She's looking off in space somewhere or perhaps watching another child in another lane. My daughter is hanging onto the chain with both hands and swinging because she lost her footing and has no idea what the fuck to do. So I have to run from my window ledge that I have made into a seat and "catch her." Now, I knew she was harnessed in and that she wasn't going to fall, but I don't think that SHE realized that. Could the fucking attendant have helped her? Maybe guide her feet to the correct rock. Or how about just using words to let my daughter know that she's ok and won't fall down? Pissed me off. Of course my daughter wanted to go back on line and try it again - twice. Fine with me, I would love her to succeed in this rock climbing. But every time she went up, she got stuck hanging with no help. DON'T HAVE A PARTY WHERE A PARENT HAS TO PARTICIPATE IN THE ENTERTAINMENT OF THE CHILDREN. Had I not been there, she would have been dangling from the wall for g-d knows how long.
2. Then it was off to the pool for the next activity on the itinerary. Great, so instead of having a nice little roped off section for the birthday party...they throw the kids into a general swim. Did I mention that this pool was HUGE? So, it's not even like these kids are a cohesive group. They are all doing independent swimming. When I think of birthday parties, I think of a group doing something together. It could be sitting at a table painting pottery, or as simple as playing a game of pin the tail on the donkey. But this? It was just like we all happened to be at the same place at the same time, but there was no togetherness. Plus, it was about 100 degrees out that day. There were a million people in the pool. Though I didn't doubt the skills of the lifeguards, I truly felt that there were too many people for the lifeguards to handle. I stood at the edge of the pool and policed my own daughter. Go ahead, call me a helicopter mom (which I'm really not). But I was pretty sure that if some kid dunked my daughter, who can't swim without floaties under water, I would notice it before the lifeguard watching a million other people would. Again, I was annoyed. Arrange for a small area for the kids to play together and be supervised. DON'T HAVE A PARTY WHERE A PARENT HAS TO PARTICIPATE IN THE ENTERTAINMENT OF THE CHILDREN
3. Now this is gonna sound nutty. I almost bitch slapped a woman over a piece of pizza. Really. So they handed out the pizza. My daughter put a slice in her mouth and then before biting she put it back down on the plate and said "mom". I thought she wanted me to blow on it, so I started walking over to her. As I'm walking over, another mom (not the birthday girl's mom) grabbed the plate and gave it to another kid. As I stand there with my mouth opened and a puzzled look on my face, she says "That was a 'boy' plate." I swear, I was so shocked and so many things were running through my head that absolutely NOTHING came out. In my head I was like "What the Fuck???" Not because it happened to MY daughter. But who does that? Who takes a full plate away, from a child, because they believe the design on the plate is gender related? Like my daughter gave fuck. She already put the pizza in her mouth!!!! So then I go to get her another piece, not paying attention to what gender the plate is, and it turns out there is no more left. Oh, there is pizza left, but not the plain kind the kids love. Designer pizzas with veggies and crap for the grown ups. So the plainest I can find is just sauce with some fresh mozzarella. I mean, I would like it but my girl just gave me a look like, "really? what happened to my yummy pizza and what's this crap here with no cheese"? I told her to just eat it. I became even more furious. I'm new to this town and I didn't want to cause a scene, but if I could go back in time and point out to everyone else what an ass that woman is, I would. I'm kind of hoping I see her at kindergarten graduation so I can say to my husband with the pizza nazi in ear shot "that's the wacko who took the pizza from (enter daughter's name here) because it was on a BOY PLATE. This time, it was the PARENT who needed supervision at the party, not the kid.
Let's agree, for the future of our youth and for the sanity of all parents, to go back to basics. House parties with cardboard party hats, a game of "Wonder ball" or hit a pinata, some cake and fruit punch, open presents, get a goodie bag and balloon and call it a day. When I was younger and went to such parties in my friends' basements, I have no idea if my mom was there or not. She might have dropped me off or now that I am grown up and know better, perhaps the moms were upstairs boozing it up and gossiping.
This trend of having parties with the general public involved, not knowing who is a participant of this gathering is and who is not, letting kids run amok without any guidance or supervision must end. It exhausts me. I would go hungry, I would go blind, I would jump off a cliff for my kids...but I don't think I can bear another fucking birthday party. G-d I hope their classmates' parents don't see this. I would hate for them to be excluded from a party.
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
No Good Deed
The saying "No good deed goes unpunished" is really a life lesson, not just some silly saying.
When I was a teenager, I was a lifeguard at a town pool. There were 3 stations which each of us responsible for a certain section of the L shaped pool. There was one lifeguard who was obviously in it for the tanning potential. She might have passed the test to become a lifeguard but she had no desire or ability to do so. Here's how it went down. She was sitting in one of those high up lifeguard stands, as was I. She was across from me, but facing my side. I was watching the other side of the "L." In my peripheral vision I see some splashing and I glance that way. It looks as though a boy is climbing on top of another boy. Is he playing, trying to dunk him or is he struggling? Well, I look over at the chick who is supposed to be watching that section. What is she doing? Examining the her fucking manicure! She's looking at her fingernails for God's sake. I quickly jump in the pool, grab the boy who I determined was drowning, not playing and brought him to the side of the pool. Once he was sitting on the edge, had calmed down and I found an adult who would be responsible for him, I went back to my post. Later that day, the pool manager calls me into his office. I was so excited because I figured that I was going to be congratulated or commended on the big save. ESPECIALLY, when it took place in another section of the pool. Heck, maybe I would get a bonus or something. Do lifeguards get bonuses if they save a life, like a commission? Well, I got quite the surprise when I went into the manager's office and got reprimanded. What the fuck? I just saved a life! A human being's life! The opposite would have been a disaster! Want to guess why I was reprimanded? I'll give you a few moments to think.
I bet your first thought was because by jumping in the pool in someone else's section, it forced me to take my eyes off of my section. If you thought that, BUZZZZ, you would be wrong. I might actually understand that logic. My infraction was that I did not blow my whistle before I jumped in to save the kid. Really??? You mean my quick thinking and fast assessment was moot because I didn't blow the whistle first? I totally lost my mind. I was like "how come you don't blast (what ever the fuck her name was) for not even watching her section? Why isn't SHE getting punished? Wouldn't THAT make more sense? Anyway, I quit on the spot and took another job guarding at an indoor pool. Not as glamorous but the people were more sensible.
More recently I had a couch that I was replacing. This couch had a rip in it and was not very comfortable. I figured instead of trying to sell it, I would put it on Craig's list and give it away to someone who needed it. I even posted a picture of the couch showing the rip. I wrote "couch is uncomfortable, but it's free.". I got tons of responses. So, I pick the first person that had decent grammar and arranged for him to pick it up on evening after work. I even parked my car in the street so he could put his truck in my driveway for ease of removing the couch. Well, that night I left the car out in the street because I forgot all about it. What happened? I got a ticket for leaving my car in the street overnight. Really. So giving away my couch cost me $60.00. I should have either sold it or left it on the fucking curb. Then my good deed would not have cost me money.
I saw a more public and far worse example of good deeds being punished. Check this out:
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/teen-suspended-preventing-school-bus-shooting-article-1.1278648
A teenage boy was on the school bus when another boy took out a gun and was about to shoot other kids. What did the boy do? He tackled the kid with the gun and got it out of his hands. HOORAY! He's a hero! Guess what the school did? (I would have given him at least free lunches and a study hall for the duration of his education). They fucking suspended him! Yep! It's true. Go ahead, click on the link and read the story.
What message is the school sending this poor kid? Save the life of your peers and potentially get rejected from the college of your choice because of your high school suspension? I know the lesson that I would have learned. I would have learned..mind my own business and let everyone else die. Survival of the fittest, y'all.
I'm all about Karma. I really believe do good and good comes back to you. However, I'm starting to to feel jaded and perhaps maybe I'll be a little shit and wait for someone else to do the good deed first. I can be their punishment.
When I was a teenager, I was a lifeguard at a town pool. There were 3 stations which each of us responsible for a certain section of the L shaped pool. There was one lifeguard who was obviously in it for the tanning potential. She might have passed the test to become a lifeguard but she had no desire or ability to do so. Here's how it went down. She was sitting in one of those high up lifeguard stands, as was I. She was across from me, but facing my side. I was watching the other side of the "L." In my peripheral vision I see some splashing and I glance that way. It looks as though a boy is climbing on top of another boy. Is he playing, trying to dunk him or is he struggling? Well, I look over at the chick who is supposed to be watching that section. What is she doing? Examining the her fucking manicure! She's looking at her fingernails for God's sake. I quickly jump in the pool, grab the boy who I determined was drowning, not playing and brought him to the side of the pool. Once he was sitting on the edge, had calmed down and I found an adult who would be responsible for him, I went back to my post. Later that day, the pool manager calls me into his office. I was so excited because I figured that I was going to be congratulated or commended on the big save. ESPECIALLY, when it took place in another section of the pool. Heck, maybe I would get a bonus or something. Do lifeguards get bonuses if they save a life, like a commission? Well, I got quite the surprise when I went into the manager's office and got reprimanded. What the fuck? I just saved a life! A human being's life! The opposite would have been a disaster! Want to guess why I was reprimanded? I'll give you a few moments to think.
I bet your first thought was because by jumping in the pool in someone else's section, it forced me to take my eyes off of my section. If you thought that, BUZZZZ, you would be wrong. I might actually understand that logic. My infraction was that I did not blow my whistle before I jumped in to save the kid. Really??? You mean my quick thinking and fast assessment was moot because I didn't blow the whistle first? I totally lost my mind. I was like "how come you don't blast (what ever the fuck her name was) for not even watching her section? Why isn't SHE getting punished? Wouldn't THAT make more sense? Anyway, I quit on the spot and took another job guarding at an indoor pool. Not as glamorous but the people were more sensible.
More recently I had a couch that I was replacing. This couch had a rip in it and was not very comfortable. I figured instead of trying to sell it, I would put it on Craig's list and give it away to someone who needed it. I even posted a picture of the couch showing the rip. I wrote "couch is uncomfortable, but it's free.". I got tons of responses. So, I pick the first person that had decent grammar and arranged for him to pick it up on evening after work. I even parked my car in the street so he could put his truck in my driveway for ease of removing the couch. Well, that night I left the car out in the street because I forgot all about it. What happened? I got a ticket for leaving my car in the street overnight. Really. So giving away my couch cost me $60.00. I should have either sold it or left it on the fucking curb. Then my good deed would not have cost me money.
I saw a more public and far worse example of good deeds being punished. Check this out:
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/teen-suspended-preventing-school-bus-shooting-article-1.1278648
A teenage boy was on the school bus when another boy took out a gun and was about to shoot other kids. What did the boy do? He tackled the kid with the gun and got it out of his hands. HOORAY! He's a hero! Guess what the school did? (I would have given him at least free lunches and a study hall for the duration of his education). They fucking suspended him! Yep! It's true. Go ahead, click on the link and read the story.
What message is the school sending this poor kid? Save the life of your peers and potentially get rejected from the college of your choice because of your high school suspension? I know the lesson that I would have learned. I would have learned..mind my own business and let everyone else die. Survival of the fittest, y'all.
I'm all about Karma. I really believe do good and good comes back to you. However, I'm starting to to feel jaded and perhaps maybe I'll be a little shit and wait for someone else to do the good deed first. I can be their punishment.
Friday, February 22, 2013
Cruisin for a bruisin
The good news: Your four day cruise has been extended 3 days at no extra charge. Food and alcohol on us!
The bad news: Um, there was an engine fire. It's out now, but we will need to be pulled back to a port. The facilities will be limited. There will not be electricity. Toilets won't flush. You won't be able to stay in your room.
This actually just happened on the Carnival Triumph cruise lines. In case you didn't see the story, you can check it out here:
h2013/02/14/travel/cruise-ship-firettp://www.cnn.com/
Holy shit! Can you imagine!
First, I would freak out because I'm not getting home when planned. The dog is being boarded and if the kids stayed home they are most likely with a relative who can only take so much, like 2 days tops. They (the dog and the kids) might be wandering the streets when we finally get back. Now I wish I had put those chips under their skin so if somebody finds them (again, the dog and the kids) they can be returned.
Then I would freak out because most likely my phone battery would have died. I can't get a hold of work to tell them that I am stuck on a boat. They will think that I just didn't bother to show up for work. By the time I return there will be a replacement at my desk. Great.
Then I will freak out because I like to pack as minimal as possible. Especially now that airlines charge for each bag. I probably would have planned to mix and match and only packed enough underwear for the amount of days were staying. So now I am wearing the same underwear three days in a row. I guess it's back to those college days of turning the underwear inside out.
I might be a little calm the first day. What's an extra day of sleeping on a lounge chair all day? But then the shit will hit the fan...literally. Food will start running out and whatever is left may be spoiled because there is no refrigeration. There is also no air conditioning. People get cranky when they are hot. I know they are on a cruise, but they can't take a dip in the pool. There's no filter and it's just a cesspool now. I also learned that on this stranded ship that poop was coming down the walls!!! Ewwwwl. Gross! There was just nowhere for it to go so it as the saying goes "the shit runs down hill." That would totally draw the line for me.
This is what I totally DO NOT Understand: why on earth did these people stay on the ship? Before the cruise leaves, there is a lesson on putting on your life jacket and getting into the life boats. Is there a rule that states the ship has to be on fire or actually sinking before you can borrow one of the boats tied to the side of the ship? I would totally take my chance, get into one of those boats and have the coast guard save me. Save me from poop coming down the walls! If a memo or something went out stating the boat would need to be on fire or would need to be sinking, I think I could make that happen. Some people were taken by helicopter because they were ill. I think I could self induce a heart attack. Or give my husband one and I'll take the ride back with him.
I have always wanted to take a cruise with the family. Especially one with water slides, zip lining and a camp to stick the kids in so I can get me some alone time. I am definitely rethinking this though. I may still go, but I'll bring an extra suitcase full of nonperishable food and with a blow up tug boat just in case.
The bad news: Um, there was an engine fire. It's out now, but we will need to be pulled back to a port. The facilities will be limited. There will not be electricity. Toilets won't flush. You won't be able to stay in your room.
This actually just happened on the Carnival Triumph cruise lines. In case you didn't see the story, you can check it out here:
h2013/02/14/travel/cruise-ship-firettp://www.cnn.com/
Holy shit! Can you imagine!
First, I would freak out because I'm not getting home when planned. The dog is being boarded and if the kids stayed home they are most likely with a relative who can only take so much, like 2 days tops. They (the dog and the kids) might be wandering the streets when we finally get back. Now I wish I had put those chips under their skin so if somebody finds them (again, the dog and the kids) they can be returned.
Then I would freak out because most likely my phone battery would have died. I can't get a hold of work to tell them that I am stuck on a boat. They will think that I just didn't bother to show up for work. By the time I return there will be a replacement at my desk. Great.
Then I will freak out because I like to pack as minimal as possible. Especially now that airlines charge for each bag. I probably would have planned to mix and match and only packed enough underwear for the amount of days were staying. So now I am wearing the same underwear three days in a row. I guess it's back to those college days of turning the underwear inside out.
I might be a little calm the first day. What's an extra day of sleeping on a lounge chair all day? But then the shit will hit the fan...literally. Food will start running out and whatever is left may be spoiled because there is no refrigeration. There is also no air conditioning. People get cranky when they are hot. I know they are on a cruise, but they can't take a dip in the pool. There's no filter and it's just a cesspool now. I also learned that on this stranded ship that poop was coming down the walls!!! Ewwwwl. Gross! There was just nowhere for it to go so it as the saying goes "the shit runs down hill." That would totally draw the line for me.
This is what I totally DO NOT Understand: why on earth did these people stay on the ship? Before the cruise leaves, there is a lesson on putting on your life jacket and getting into the life boats. Is there a rule that states the ship has to be on fire or actually sinking before you can borrow one of the boats tied to the side of the ship? I would totally take my chance, get into one of those boats and have the coast guard save me. Save me from poop coming down the walls! If a memo or something went out stating the boat would need to be on fire or would need to be sinking, I think I could make that happen. Some people were taken by helicopter because they were ill. I think I could self induce a heart attack. Or give my husband one and I'll take the ride back with him.
I have always wanted to take a cruise with the family. Especially one with water slides, zip lining and a camp to stick the kids in so I can get me some alone time. I am definitely rethinking this though. I may still go, but I'll bring an extra suitcase full of nonperishable food and with a blow up tug boat just in case.
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Just venting
So most of you, actually all of you, won't find this post funny. You may just want to skip it all together. It's really me just purging all the hellish, irritating toxins inside my body right now. No, I am not sick. Well, I think I'm sick in the head, but that's nothing new.
I had such an awful day at work that I just have to scream out loud. My blog is called Thinking Out Loud, but I hope you will all make this exception.
Keep in mind that my new job, which I was very excited to get, is very time consuming. I have coffee instead of meals, I do not take a lunch break and the two times I allow myself to pee each day, when I return, my emails multiply like Gremlins and water. (Google it if you have no idea what I'm talking about).
So, today I get a call at 2:35. It's from a client who says he just sent me an email and he tells me that what he just sent in an email, he actually needed five minutes ago. I tell him that I am just finishing up what I'm currently working on and then I will get to his email. I joke that he can "cut the line" as I have a ton of demands via email before him.
Well, by 3:08 I send him one out of the two things he needs. I got it to him within a half hour, which is pretty damn good because there is research involved. It's not something I can snap my fingers and create. There's phone calls to make to verify information, there's calculations, etc. Also, while I'm in this file, I notice there is information missing. He wants this file done by Friday (I'm sorry, I have to be very vague here) BUT there is a third party involved here. Let's just say this. The third party..it's the money. And if the money isn't ready, then nobody is ready. I spent sometime trying to locate this 3rd party as it's name / phone number/ email was not indicated in the file. And they need notice. (To all teachers out there, I know you shouldn't start a sentence with "and." I'll utilize my poetic license here.) So, this guy calls me up and SCREAMS at me. Seriously, screams at me like I would scream at my daughter if she ran into the street or parking lot. He screams that he needs the document I did not send him. I apologize and said I'll send that I'll send it now.
What happens? My computer system shuts down! Holy fuck. Why me? Actually, it's not just me, the entire system for everyone in the company. So NOBODY can produce the document I need. Seriously, I try to do good. I treat everyone with respect. I don't park in fire zones or handicapped and I even pull over to the right if I'm in the left lane and the person behind me is driving fast. I work full time, am a mommy and am also the sole care provider for a sick relative. Why does God hate me? Why is this happening? Meanwhile this guy is still screaming at me. I want to help. I'm not defying him on purpose. THEN he says "If I don't get this in 10 minutes I'm going to call (I'll just call him Sam.) Really? You're going to tell on me like you would tell my daddy if you caught me smoking or something?
Anyway, to wrap this up (I'm fucking tired and have a headache), first of all, no one deserves to be screamed at. Especially one adult to another. Treat me with respect, you will get further.
Second of all, I can't help it if he created unrealistic expectations. How dare he say that he needed something "five minutes ago?" Before he even spoke, I failed my mission. How can I possibly do something, or know to do something, five minutes, or any minutes before it's brought to my attention? He set me up to fail. There is no way, unless I was in a movie and read the script before hand, I would know that he would need this information until it was presented to me. How about this, you fuck head. If you needed something, how about contacting before you need it...not after. Then perhaps I can meet your expectations.
Well, I'm done venting. Thank you for reading or for skipping. It seems as though my current life has sucked all the funny out of me. Perhaps I'll become a fan of Obama and live off of unemployment for a while. Maybe I'll get a new cell phone out of it too.
I had such an awful day at work that I just have to scream out loud. My blog is called Thinking Out Loud, but I hope you will all make this exception.
Keep in mind that my new job, which I was very excited to get, is very time consuming. I have coffee instead of meals, I do not take a lunch break and the two times I allow myself to pee each day, when I return, my emails multiply like Gremlins and water. (Google it if you have no idea what I'm talking about).
So, today I get a call at 2:35. It's from a client who says he just sent me an email and he tells me that what he just sent in an email, he actually needed five minutes ago. I tell him that I am just finishing up what I'm currently working on and then I will get to his email. I joke that he can "cut the line" as I have a ton of demands via email before him.
Well, by 3:08 I send him one out of the two things he needs. I got it to him within a half hour, which is pretty damn good because there is research involved. It's not something I can snap my fingers and create. There's phone calls to make to verify information, there's calculations, etc. Also, while I'm in this file, I notice there is information missing. He wants this file done by Friday (I'm sorry, I have to be very vague here) BUT there is a third party involved here. Let's just say this. The third party..it's the money. And if the money isn't ready, then nobody is ready. I spent sometime trying to locate this 3rd party as it's name / phone number/ email was not indicated in the file. And they need notice. (To all teachers out there, I know you shouldn't start a sentence with "and." I'll utilize my poetic license here.) So, this guy calls me up and SCREAMS at me. Seriously, screams at me like I would scream at my daughter if she ran into the street or parking lot. He screams that he needs the document I did not send him. I apologize and said I'll send that I'll send it now.
What happens? My computer system shuts down! Holy fuck. Why me? Actually, it's not just me, the entire system for everyone in the company. So NOBODY can produce the document I need. Seriously, I try to do good. I treat everyone with respect. I don't park in fire zones or handicapped and I even pull over to the right if I'm in the left lane and the person behind me is driving fast. I work full time, am a mommy and am also the sole care provider for a sick relative. Why does God hate me? Why is this happening? Meanwhile this guy is still screaming at me. I want to help. I'm not defying him on purpose. THEN he says "If I don't get this in 10 minutes I'm going to call (I'll just call him Sam.) Really? You're going to tell on me like you would tell my daddy if you caught me smoking or something?
Anyway, to wrap this up (I'm fucking tired and have a headache), first of all, no one deserves to be screamed at. Especially one adult to another. Treat me with respect, you will get further.
Second of all, I can't help it if he created unrealistic expectations. How dare he say that he needed something "five minutes ago?" Before he even spoke, I failed my mission. How can I possibly do something, or know to do something, five minutes, or any minutes before it's brought to my attention? He set me up to fail. There is no way, unless I was in a movie and read the script before hand, I would know that he would need this information until it was presented to me. How about this, you fuck head. If you needed something, how about contacting before you need it...not after. Then perhaps I can meet your expectations.
Well, I'm done venting. Thank you for reading or for skipping. It seems as though my current life has sucked all the funny out of me. Perhaps I'll become a fan of Obama and live off of unemployment for a while. Maybe I'll get a new cell phone out of it too.
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