Wednesday, August 9, 2017

Identity Fraud

Ok, so let me just start with this:    I don't care.    I don't care if you are a woman and want to sleep with men or with other women.   I don't care if you're a man and want to sleep with women or  with other men.    I don't care if you are a man and want to dress as a woman.   I don't care if you are a man and want to become a woman (though I think it would only be fair that a man who transitions should get his period.  We suffer and if they want to play the part, they should suffer too).    I don't care if you're a woman and you want to become a man.      I honestly do not care what one person wants to do with their own  life and their own body.

Now that I got that out of the way,  I'll tell you my problem with this whole issue.    Here is what I am outraged about the most (of course I'm outraged.  I haven't blogged in years and this brought me out of hibernation). It's the fucking gender identity announcements, parties, etc.    Sorry, they're fucking stupid.  

Are we excited and happy for you that you're having a baby?  Sure!  Are we anxious to find out the gender?  Perhaps.  (Me, not so much, but some parents to be just can't wait).   Do we need g-d damn parties and ridiculous videos to announce it?    How about if we want to know we will ask and if willing, you will tell.

Many women have baby showers to celebrate the impending birth.   A nice party with food and friends.  The mom gets lots of gifts too.   We all know babies are expensive.  The gifts totally help.  Wouldn't this be a GREAT time to tell anyone that cared the gender of  your child?   Right?  You have the audience.  They can go home and tell the rest of their family.   Why have a separate party?

Or, if  you're like me,  because of religious purposes didn't have a shower,  you can reveal the gender when you send out the notices for the Bris or the Baby Naming.   When the guest receives his invitation, he will then at the same time be notified if you had a boy or girl.   Bris for a boy, baby naming for a girl.  Again, no fan fare, but the message has been received.

In the olden days, say a year ago or so, people even went as far to send out birth announcements.  Brilliant!  Order a ton of these announcements and everyone in your address book will not only know the gender of your child, but the date, weight and time of birth too.

  I'm sure  you're saying, "But Stacey, this can't just be your only gripe.  It's just not enough".  Well guess what?  You're right!!!     Here's the true underlying issue with stupid gender reveal fiascos.  You have these friggin liberals who lecture us on how we are to treat this whole gender identity issue to begin with.   Don't forget, if we decide someone is a male or female,  we are biggots for assuming someone else's identity.  

Here are some of the most common lectures people give about gender identity:

1.   First and foremost, don't look at person and profile whether they are male or female.

2.   Genitalia does not determine gender.   Furthermore,  you're an asshole if you think otherwise.

3.   If you see a bearded, manly looking person walk into the women's room, then let that person be. It may be a women transitioning to  a man, but "she" still feels more comfortable using the women's room.   OR, it may be a man who identifies as a woman so "he" feels much more comfortable using the woman's room.   The truth, we'll never know and how dare we ask.

4.   If a teenager who was born a male, identifies as a female,  we should let him/her change in the girl's locker room because he/she feels uncomfortable undressing in the boy's locker room.  If YOUR daughter, even though she feels uncomfortable getting undressed in front of ANYBODY,  is unhappy with this then it's just too fucking bad.     The comfort of the student with the gender identity issue is way more important than the student on the receiving line that may feel uncomfortable as well.

 The reason I'm dragging the whole gender identity debate into this post about people announcing the sex of their fetus is because it's a double standard.   If we are bigots when we assume a living person's gender, then how fucking dare these people throw gender reveal parties when the baby hasn't actually decided which gender he or she identifies with?   What kind of asshole decides  in advance what gender their child should be?    Because the ultra sound photo shows a little wee wee or vagina?   These people are the biggest violators of human rights!!  They are choosing their child's gender which, according to me is far worse than someone assuming it based on outside appearances.  

Perhaps society should change it's traditions.  I'm thinking that maybe parents throw their child a gender reveal party, but  this happens when the child actually reveals it themselves.

Sunday, November 30, 2014


Two new behavioral issues have been created due to the invention of the mobile phone and caller id.

The issues have been coined(by your's truly) as Phone-aphobic and Phone-aholic.

They are both equally annoying but the phone-aholic must be considered more dangerous than the Phone-aphobic.  I'll start with the latter.

The phone-aphobic does not fear the phone itself.   The phone-aphobic sees a number on the caller id and chooses not to answer because they either recognize the person and they don't want to talk or they DON'T recognize the number and are afraid to answer.   I actually understand when a number is recognized but you don't want to answer.  Sometimes it's because you know the person talks for a long time and you can't quite squeeze it in at that moment.   Better to call back when you have some free time.    Sometimes it's because you know what that person is calling to say and you just don't want to hear it.   That's why voicemail was invented.   Apparently though, I was out of the loop.  It's now a faux pas to leave a message.   One should just let the phone ring until the voice mail comes on and then hang up.   Then, the receiver of that call will see the "missed call" and call you back based on that.   I happen to fucking hate when I leave a voicemail and the person calls me back asking what I wanted.   For real?  I have to repeat myself?  How about I hang up now and you listen to my voicemail, think about it and then call me back.   Ooops, I went off on a tangent again.   Sorry about that.   Back to being afraid to answer.  The other side of phone-aphobic is when the receiver is afraid to answer because they don't recognize the number.   What are they so afraid of?  What could possibly happen if you answer that phone?  Will a stranger reach through the phone and rape you?  I don't think so.  At the very worst it's a sales call.   So you simply say "I'm not interested" and hang up.   Or, maybe it's a bill collector.   Eewww, scary!!    How about you answer, actually talk to the person and then perhaps they will stop calling.  Even if you have to lie and say, "I am sending a check tomorrow."

I recently  had an incident which was imminent, but the person I was calling didn't answer the phone.   The situation was that her young daughter  (6 or 7 years old) was dropped off at practice.   When I say "dropped off, she was literally dropped off.  The parent just let their kid out of their car and didn't bother to walk in to see if there was a responsible adult waiting at the other end.   (Spoiler alert, there was not).   I walked in with my two kids and long story short, there were about 40 girls who were just dropped off.  Apparently there was a miscommunication, practice was canceled and the coaches would not be showing up.   Some kids had cell phones and I, along with the ONE other parent who stayed, told the kids to call their parents.  For those who did not have cell phones, I told them to come see me and I would call.   Well, nobody answered the fucking phone.  Nobody.   Really, your kid is not in your supervision and your phone rings..and you don't answer it.  Fucking fool.   It can be a police officer, the coach, an ambulance driver or a fucking kidnapper looking for ransom.  Answer the phone! Anyway, so finally a mother calls back and says "well, I didn't answer the phone because I didn't recognize the number.   I finally realized after the phone rang 100 times that maybe it was important".  Ya think?  She should have seen by the number that it was a local call.  Not some blocked number or 1-800 number.   Stupid ass.  So I had to watch her kid for 2 hours while she screwed around all because she was afraid to answer a call in which she didn't recognize the number.   Really though, good thing her kid wasn't having a seizure or something.  She would have died and cause of death would be her mom not answering the phone.

Ok, onto the next issue.   The Phone-aholics.  I would probably guess that most of you fall into this category.  I, myself, being the better person than you are,  do not.  I don't care if I forget my phone.  I can be reached at work or home for I rarely go anywhere else.  Or you can call Shoprite.   They will announce it over the loudspeaker.   I don't use my phone for banking or shopping.   I use it to communicate.   I know, so old fashioned.   So, you have these people that are obsessed with their phones.  Always looking at it, always scrolling for something.   I know one particular person who believes that because you CAN talk on your phone all the time, you SHOULD.  In fact, I can be in the middle of a face to face live conversation.  She will constantly have another conversation via texting during our live chat.   It's very annoying and insulting.   Or she will interrupt our conversation to answer the phone.  Really?  You can't just let it go?  Is there really something so pressing in your life that the incoming call can't wait?  Have a liver to transplant or something?  

The worst type of phone-aphobic is the one that will call back an unknown number just because the number showed up as a missed call.  OH MY G-D!  I MISSED A CALL!   I BETTER SEE WHO IT IS AND WHAT THEY WANT.  IT MUST BE REALLY IMPORTANT BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T LEAVE A MESSAGE.   Folks, that all was in sarcastic font which I am in the process of inventing.    One time I called my sister, only I didn't call her, I transposed a number and called the wrong person.  This person didn't answer and I hung up.  I didn't leave a voicemail saying "oh, I got the wrong number".    Later that night, around 2:00 A.M, I got a call.  Holy shit, someone died.   I answer and a dumb ass sounding girl said "Yeah, someone called me from this number".  Ummm, you were so anxious to find out who called and didn't leave a message that you couldn't wait until 10:00 A.M. to call back?  Are you really that insecure that you really had to know as soon as you realized you missed a call?   I was like "I called a wrong number you asshole"!   So, a couple of night later, I got up at an unspeakable hour (which was easy to do since I had a newborn), hit *69 and then dialed that asshole's number again.  Hoping I woke her from her beauty sleep.    But I get this shit all the time.   It's not like I dial a wrong number a lot, but when I do, I get that stupid call back.   I have several times left a  message "I dialed the wrong number, please don't call me back asking what I want.  I repeat, wrong number".  Honestly, why can't people just let it go?  You see a number on your phone as a missed call, if they didn't leave a message then it wasn't that important.  Or if it really was that important, they called you back or dialed another contact number for you.  

One of the worst offenders of the phone aholics are the gym phone aholics.   When I actually DO get off my ass and go, I go at the crack of dawn.   Around 5:30 A.M.    I do this, not because I am motived, but because I have this hatred of the human race and there are less humans there at that time.   Anyway, there is this one woman who while on one of those low to the ground bicycles who is always on the phone.  At around 6:00 A.M!  Who the fuck are you talking to at 6:00 A.M.?   And what could  you possibly have to say that can't wait until lunch time?  I can barely get out a grunt at that time.    Unless these people are opposite people, like the night shift crew.  Maybe at 6:00 A.M, they had both gotten off of work and this was like their happy hour time?    Oh, and speaking of people who are phone obsessed at the gym, the other day there was one who was the "I can't do nothing like just walk, I must absolutely scroll at my phone while doing so" type.  Like it's essential that at that moment she had to check her email or look to see who was posting on Facebook.    Well, she was doing this as she was walking and she goes straight into the men's locker room.  I kept saying out loud, but not loud enough for her to hear me "you're going in the men's room.  You're going in the men's room".   I of course made eye contact and a "you're stupid" smirk when she walked out though.

One last phone-aphobic type is the person who walks around with the blue tooth aparatice on their ear.   Everywhere.   Even during dinner.  Can't you take it off and then maybe put it back on if and when you get a call?  Do you really even need hands free if at the moment you CAN use your hands?  It's just so douche baggy I can't even explain it.  Just stop it.

People are just so phone obsessed now.   Choosing to value the electronic devise over human contact.   I'm glad our phones can take photos and videos now because people are going to stop attending events like parties, weddings, etc and instead log into FaceTime and send texts of congratulations instead.    Then, if you didn't answer your phone for the FaceTiming because you didn't recognize the incoming number, the guest of honors can at a later date show you the photos / videos that you missed.

Monday, June 30, 2014

Permanent Resident

Did you guys hear the latest about the live in nanny who got fired and refused to leave the house?

Nope, this is not the start of a joke.  It's a real story out in wackadoo liberal California.

If you haven't heard, take a second, check out the story here:

Here's the cliff notes version:

Family hired a nanny to help with 3 children, cook and light housework.  In exchange for this service, the family would provide free room and board.  (Read between the lines - cheap bastards aren't paying, but bartering).

Said nanny worked for a few months and then decided to slack off.    Family got sick and tired of her old lazy ass not keeping up her end of the bargain and decided to fire her.

Crazy, old, lazy nanny is a psychopath, but she did her homework first at least.   She learned that because she is technically a "tenant" she does not have to move out.  They have to properly evict her which means serving notices.  This does not apply to all states, however, this particular family live in California which is soooo liberal that apparently the criminals have more rights than the law abiding citizens and the tenants have more rights than the landlords.

I do feel terrible for this family.  Imagine having a "guest" (which essentially that's what she was) living in your house and won't leave!   They couldn't leave the house because they were afraid that she might do something in it or to it.  They had to lock their refrigerator as a defense mechanism.  If she can't eat, maybe she will go out for food and then they could change the locks.   My idea was to also lock the bathroom door.  But then I figured it might do more harm because the crazy bitch would probably shit and piss all over the bedroom.

In a way though, the family is fucking stupid.  First of all, they posted their ad and found this nanny on Craig's list.    Now, I've posted on Craig's list before.  I sold my Honda in 20 minutes.  It's great for temporary relationships.  Not long term, invade your property and household relationships.    Plus, just for fun, post a bogus ad on Facebook.   For instance, say you have a couch to give away.   Put details.  I swear only retards respond.   People who will ask questions in which the answers are already in your description.   People who can't even reply in proper English and write to you in abbreviations or slang.   I once advertised a free couch.  I posted a picture of it and explained that it had a rip in it.    Ok, one person who responded ask what color it was (Ummmm, look at the picture).  Another person mentioned that I didn't specify the price  (do you understand free?).    What I'm getting at, in a very long way, is that they aren't going to find a high caliber candidate to respond.  Especially one that they should leave their kids alone with.    Why not contact an agency? I know why..because they were being cheap bastards.  See #2 and #3.

The 2nd stupid thing:  Why didn't they get a back ground check?   They were totally being penny wise and pound foolish.   Why not spend a couple of hundred bucks - just for the sake of peace of mind.   I mean, now a days, people "Google" others before they even go on a date.   The family claimed that they called references.  But really, who are they calling?  Relatives that don't want this lady moving into their house, right?  If this family called me and asked about Psycho Nanny I would be like "oh sure, she's great!  Just like family"!   Because what's the alternative?  Psycho Nanny doesn't get the job and comes knocking on MY door for a place to stay.  Fuck that shit…let her be someone else's problem.

Problem #3:  They didn't offer her payment for the position.   I'm sure they were trying to be economical and decided to use the barter system instead of cold hard cash.  Well, if you're not paying crazy old bitch….how do you expect to ever leave the house?  She has no money!  She can't take the afternoon off and go shopping or go to lunch with her besties.   Again, the barter system is good for short term relationships.   You fix my car and I'll paint your house.   This was win win for the nanny.   Free place to live, free food and all she had to do was help clean up and watch the kids.   Until…she decides not to.

I'm sure I come across as unsympathetic to this family…but I am not.   It must be awful to feel like a prisoner in your own home.    I think the state of California is a big part of this nonsense too.  Imagine if the husband called the police and said that the wife was being a menace.    What would they do?  They would drag her ass out of the house and away from her kids.  She would be forced to find shelter and most likely need to get a psychological evaluation before she could see the kids again.   But a fucking stranger who does the same thing HAS RIGHTS AND YOU CAN'T FORCE HER OUT - is the most ridiculous law in the world.  

I do, however, have a solution to this.    If I were stuck in this situation, I would force my kids to spend the day with this person.   I would take her door down and be sure that she was in ear shot of my children.  After hearing them fight, whine and complain all day…she would be sure to run away.   I know it works for me.

Monday, January 20, 2014


     I recently lost a friend.   A Facebook friend.   No, he didn't die.  He just got The BIG CHOP.

     Remember when we were younger (I'm assuming all my readers are at least over the hill like me and  closer to the age of death than the age of birth) and if you didn't want to be friends with someone, you had to either say "I hate you and I'm never talking to you again!!!"? Or you could simply and slowly stop contact with this person until they fade into oblivion.   Sometimes you might get a phone call or letter asking what happened or suggesting a reconciliation.   Well, now with modern technology, you can make it ceremonious!   You can make it so blatant like a slap in the face.   All you have to do is Un-Friend someone on Facebook.   It's bold and cowardly at the same time!  One day your "friend" is communicating with you on Facebook or looking at your photos and then the next day,  WHAM!, they're gone.  Bye, Bye.    Like they fell off a cliff.

   Or, you can do it Stacey style by not just un-friending someone but go to the extreme and click on the option that reads "this person is bothering me."   In this case, this person, cannot even find you on Facebook.   He can't search your name, find you, and send a message saying "how come we're not friends anymore?"   They might even think you deleted your account altogether.

  To my knowledge, I only got the axe once.   It was a friend from high school who, but for Facebook, I probably would not know anything about.   It's not that we didn't like each other, it's just one of those friendships whose lifespan expired after high school.  No ill will, just self absorption in one's own life to remember that person.   Once we connected on Facebook, we did have some nice conversations.  About our life between high school and now, about our relationships, etc.    One time, there was a picture posted of him with his new, pretty, girlfriend.   With that picture was a very sentimental and mushy comment.  I suspected that the girlfriend took his phone and posted that comment so that it would have his name.   From what I knew about him, he was not the mushy type.   So I posted a comment back complimenting the girlfriend's good looks and also suggesting that she made the mushy comment.    I don't remember exactly how it went down but I wrote something like "It doesn't sound like something you would say."   Well, he totally freaked!   Sent me a private email telling me off and how dare I say that it didn't sound like something he would say and how I ruined the relationship with a girl he really cared for.  Fucking for real??   I replied that if something I - someone he hasn't physically seen in over 20 years- had that much of an impact over their relationship just by posting a silly comment that really meant nothing - then that relationship wasn't quite put together to begin with.   It's not like I wrote "You're right Evan, she does look like a whore".  Now that could ruin a relationship!  But writing "it doesn't sound like something you would say" doesn't seem that harmful to me.  Anyway, when I tried to respond again, I noticed that I was chopped. Oh well, se la vie.  My life has not really been affected.  

   Well, recently I gave the axe to a friend.   The worst part is that he kind of was a real live friend.   It's not someone I saw all the time.  In fact it had been a few years.  But on a few occasions my husband and I went out socially with him and his wife.  I have known him since I was in elementary school.
It's funny how you think you know someone but then you find out you are delusional.

   Keep in mind that I am NOT the type of person to freak out when someone has a different opinion than me.    Not to toot my own horn, but I would say that one of my few qualities is that I can have a difference of opinion about something and not really care and take it personally.    What I mean is, let's say my friend and I have different political views.   She says what she wants, I say what I want, and there's a discussion.  No name calling or fighting.  I actually enjoy hearing other points of views.  I am open minded and willing to hear it.  The way I see it is, maybe I missed something when I formed my opinion.  Or, I just like to hear why people have their opinions.  Back it up baby.



   Lately, his posts have become very aggressive.   There was nothing ever lite and airy on his posts. Often his topics had me convinced he was a racist.  Not my style.  I do not discriminate, I make fun of EVERYONE EQUALLY.  One time I even commented that perhaps he should take it easy and post pictures of his car thermometer or his lunch (two things I hate as postings).   God forbid you have a difference of opinion.   I would often give my point of view (hey, sometimes I even agreed with him), but on one particular occasion when I disagreed, I got a personal email from him with the "How dare I's".    Actually it started with a rant, because after 30 someodd years, I forgot to call him on his birthday.  Oh the horror.    Here is a sampling of what he wrote:

I never hear from you. I've called you about your brother, listened to your problems, etc. I'm a good and caring friend. No reciprocation. Yet I see you on FB all the time posting your silly, sometimes inappropriate, musings you think are so entertaining. And I haven't seen you in how many years?

I as an attorney with a doctorate degree and political science degree want to post about politics. My friend Stacey likes to disagree with me - okay. However, to post that my posts demonstrate "rage" in the open area of my FB page for everyone to see, is rude, thoughtless, or both.

First of all, he's complaining that I post silly, sometimes inappropriate musings. Umm, Facebook IS SILLY! I don't think it should be used for serious issues. That's what CNN is for. And what's the correlation between me posting silly shit and the amount of time that has passed between our last in person socialization? He and his wife do not have kids. They don't get that I don't really have a social life because I spend a lot of time pursuing my kids' interests and friendships. That's what happens when you become a parent.

It's the 2nd paragraph that absolutely kills me. His opinion is more valid because he has a doctorate degree AND a political science degree? Well, whooptie fucking doo. Does that mean if he thinks the best color in the world is blue and I think it's purple, I'm wrong because he has a doctorate degree?? By the way, if people with doctorate degrees and political science degrees are always right in their opinions, how come there are two different political parties with different objectives? Just a thought.

After this, I kind of kept my distance. Once in a while I would reply to a post of his. But the last straw happened when the shooting at the Short Hills Mall took place. For those readers out of this geographical area, the Short Hills Mall is a fancy schmancy mall. I go in looking like a schlub because I don't want anyone knowing what I have. Kind of like the scene in Pretty Woman when the sales lady dis her because she isn't wearing Chanel, and then she goes back and shoves it in their face how stupid they were. I'm kind of like that...if people think you "have some" then they "want some". If they think you don't they don't harass you when you walk in the store. But I digress. Soo, at this mall there was a car jacking and shooting. BIG NEWS. 
He posted about this incident and I speculated that maybe it was a set up. I mean, I'm pretty tight with some folks from the hood and I have learned that a lot of thieves, don't kill...that's not their motive. They want their shit and they want to sell it. Killing is a whole other level when it comes to incarceration. Well! Did I ever get a tongue lashing!!! Of course, he didn't do it on the post I responded to...he sent me a private message. I don't understand why, if he had this particular opinion, why he hid it instead of doing it out in the open. Anywho...the email went off on me that my comment was stupid and ridiculous and THIS is the reason why women should not be in the fields of Law, Law enforcement or politics. 

REALLY? THIS IS why? I have A TON of female friends who are lawyer (and I'm a paralegal when I'm not blogging). I also have a female relative who is a judge. But even if I didn't know all these females, I would still be pissed. Now, any of you who know me, know that I am NOT a feminist. See one of my previous posts:

But, I will NOT stand for this! He also added that women should not work - period (His wife works). That life was so much better in the past when wives stayed home and men worked and now the world is crazy all because mother's work.

Fucking insane. He got the big chop! I did not even respond. I went gently through the night and hit the option for "this person is bothering me". This option is usually marked for stalkers but I didn't want him to even be able to contact me if he wanted. Granted, he still has my personal email and phone number but who uses that anymore.  

I'm thinking Facebook should have an option for funerals.  When you ditch a friend and just want to bury them in the past.  You can send that person a coffin icon.  If you're Jewish, they will get it withing 24 hours.   Otherwise, there can be a "Wake" where people send messages like "you fucked up" or "I can't stand you anymore either".

I know I've kept you a long time here with my personal issues.     At this time I would like to give shout outs to some of my Facebook friends  (in no specific order)

Virginia P - You post photos of your meals that you create.  Normally I find this quite annoying.  Your meals always look so delicious.  I wish one time you would post a picture and then write "Stacey, I'll be right over with this delicious dinner so you can have some"

Tara- You're a big mouth and you get  yourself into trouble.  I love it.  But what I love most is what I stated above.  We can disagree.  We can be friends who disagree.   Usually when you have an opinion you support it with data.   

Ben - friggen funny.   I'm hard to please but always manage to get a chuckle even if I don't write "LOL" on your post.  

Sue G- Posts about her workouts and how great her figure is.  We get it.  :)  You're hot and  I'm NOT saying that sarcastically.   When I get off my fat ass, go work out and stop eating carbs I am going to post all my hot body pics too.  But for now I will have to use humor to hide my pain.

Len - I don't quite understand a lot of your postings, but I like you as a friend

Dan R - I NEVER understand your posts.  You are very smart and you make me feel dumb.

Lisa B - You always have some sort of enlightening proverb.   You remind me of a calendar or a fortune cookie.

Pete S. - Your daily funnies are actually good ones.  Keep it up.

Adrianne - Always posting happy times and trips with new husband.   I'll catch up with you 10 years from now when you're jaded.   :)

Kim T and Donna R- Thanks for always "liking" my silly posts.  It gives me the emotional boost I need for my low self esteem.

To all others unmentioned - Thank you for being a friend and I love ya.

Monday, November 11, 2013


 My daughter is a cheerleader for the Police Athletic League.   It's grouped by towns and they completely fund the group through donations and volunteers.   There is a small cost to join, but there are no tryouts or cuts.   You pay, you play.   It's all in good fun.   It's especially fun for us since this particular football is undefeated for the 2nd year in a row and it's awesome to watch.  My family does their part every home game.  I bake for the bake sale and my husband work the chains for which they are ALWAYS asking for volunteers. 

The two cheer leading coaches are terrific.  I just love them.   They are  young (probably around 19 -early 20's) and they volunteer their time three days a week.   Two evening practices and game day.  I really do admire them because when I was their age, I spent all my free time either going to a bar with my fake id, studying or watching Lifetime movies.  I certainly wasn't wasting my time with nine and ten year old whiny, snot nosed kids.   They are great role models for our girls and I know the girls look up to them.

I bet you're wondering what the issue is then.   Stacey ALWAYS has an issue to bitch about on her blog, right?

Well, here it goes:   I sent an email out to all the parents of the cheer leaders (there are about 30).   It was about a month before the last game.  I wrote how I really appreciate the coaches and I'm planning on giving them a monetary gift since they do not get paid for the wonderful job they do.  I invited all the parents to join me in this gift.  I suggested an amount of $10.00 per family but it's really their discretion on what they wanted to or could give.   As much of a big mouth as I am, I am not into pressuring people.  If they want to give, then great, if they don't  then I don't bother or ask.   I wrote in the email that I will be at every game and if they don't know who I am, I gave my phone number to call or text me at the game and we will find each other.  I also wrote that I will be at every practice if they wanted to  hand me a donation.  I made it real easy.  At the second to last game, just in case someone was unintentionally left off the email, or forgot to come find me at games, I walked up and down the bleachers with a large envelope shouting that I was collecting for the coaches gift.

About 1/2 the parents gave.  Not great but whatever.  I was able to give the coaches a gift that I wouldn't be embarrassed to give.  The day before I was going to give the gift, I sent out an email thanking those who contributed.  I also mentioned that to be fair, I would sign a card and list all the family names in alphabetical order.  Wouldn't want anyone to accuse me of having a pecking order.

Two days after this, I received an email from a mother of one of the cheerleaders.  It accused me of ostracizing those parents who "forgot to give" or did not give towards the gift for financial reasons  by not signing their names to my card.   She ranted about "not being able to afford" to give, not that it's my business and (direct quote here) "her personal financial situation is not one that the public needs to be privy to."  She also mentioned that she will be sending the coaches her own personal token of appreciation at a later time.

Huhhh?  Her personal financial situation is not one that the public needs to be privy to?   I don't recall asking for financial statements, nor did I post anyone's income taxes or related document for the public to see.   I wrote an email back to her stating that I apologized that she felt that way.  (Notice I did not apologize for my act - but for her attitude about it) and I explained that I wasn't about to force anyone to give.   If someone did not contribute, I didn't say "oh come on"!  I didn't beg, and I didn't ask why.  First of all I didn't care.  Second of all everyone has their reasons.  Not for me to determine that they should give a gift to the coaches.  It was optional.    Then to say that I ostracized them.   I don't think so.  If I wanted to do that, instead of writing the names of the contributors on the card, I would have wrote "this card is from everybody EXCEPT (and listed names). 

Once I hit send, I realized, that she didn't just send me the note, she copied her husband and the woman who is in charge of all the PAL cheerleading.  What a douche!!!  Like that woman has nothing better to do or even wants to be dragged into the squabble of parents.  I got more mad at the fact that she copied people than at her idiotic accusations.    So I wrote an email to the head of the cheerleading  lady that if I don't collect for the coaches as I did this year or the year before, that she can thank Ms. Smith.   I added that I will continue to show my support by baking, private donations and my husband will continue to volunteer at all the home games.   Oh, and I copied Ms. Smith and her husband.  Was it childish?  You bet.  Did I mean it?  Probably not.  I just wanted to be obnoxious because that's what I'm good at.   My version of saying "nanny nanny poo poo on you."

Well, of course then the husband has to pipe in and save his damsel in distress.   Ugh.  Really?  This isn't done.  She says her thing, I say my thing and that's it.  Isn't this how it's supposed to go down?   I guess not in Whinersville. 

This was the dad's response:  If my wife pointing out her concern with how only those who could / did donate where exclusively included on the card given to the coaches caused me to write such a strong statement then he would personally take on the responsibility next year and that he felt no reason that the coaches should not be shown appreciation for their efforts.    Oh, there was much more to this email but this about sums up the nonsense. 

  So let me get this straight:   You wouldn't  contribute anything, ANYTHING, to my collection.  Not even an offer to make a card.  Not even an offer to take the collection and use your time only to buy the gift card.   But you will personally organize it next year?   You see no reason why the coaches should not be shown appreciation but you refused to show appreciation.  The dollar donation was too much money for you but yet you can give your daughter a dollar every week to buy something at the concession stand.  Ok.  That's not hypocritical or anything.    Let me get another thing straight.  You are offended because I didn't sign your name to a card attached to a gift that you didn't give???????   This boggles my mind.   Hey asshole, the gift wasn't from you.   I don't give gifts to people and sign random names to the card.  When I bake the brownies every week, I don't put your fucking name on the container either. Why?  Because YOU didn't contribute them!  I did!  Plus, there's 30 girls in the group.  I didn't even KNOW everyone's name.  Other than a handful of people, I only new the names of the people who gave.  Because I asked them their name and wrote it down.  

So, asshole...your wife says that she will be providing her own token of appreciation at a later date.  Are you going to practice what  you preach by signing MY name to your card?  Huh?  You friggin better or else I'm going to send you a nasty email.  Oh, and I'll copy everyone too, just to be a jerkoff just like you.

Phew....I publically vented my frustration.   At least it's nicer than "making the public privy of their financial situation".   Now I'll just make the public privy of their assholeness and stupidity.   Oh, and since they like credit where credit, even when they don't deserve it,  their real name is Smith.   Happy?  I signed your name biiiatch. 

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

It's Disney's World...we just live in it

I recently took my kids to our first trip to Disneyworld.  So exciting!   The only time I went I was 21 years old.  The magic was lost on me.   I think to experience the "Wonder" of Disney that many people speak of, you have to experience it at a young age when you still believe the characters are real and not creepy people in costumes.

I wouldn't be me if something didn't piss me off.  Even at the wonderful world of Disney.   First off, we never even saw Mickey, Minney, Donald, Goofy and the gang.  I thought they would be walking around saying hi to the kids.  What, was it their day off or something?   Turns out they no longer walk around.  YOU have to now GO TO THEM!  They have huts or something that you go to and wait on line in order to see them and get an autograph.  Bullshit.   Why the hell do they even call it Disney World if the Disney characters aren't present?  They should just call it Orlando Amusements.   You would think that for the outrageous price tag on the entrance ticket and the amount of time you spend on line not really doing anything, Mickey can make a fucking appearance and say hi.   It would almost be like going to a wedding and the bride doesn't go around to each table to say hi and thank you for coming.   Instead, she sits in a room and waits for people to come see her. 

By now, everyone must know that if you are in a wheelchair or show a handicapped card, you can cut the line.   This just drives me insane for several reasons:

1.  If you are in a wheelchair, you are at least sitting.  The rest of us schmucks have to stand in line.  Standing is more taxing than sitting.  If you are sitting down the whole time, why can't you wait with the rest of us?  It's not like sitting in a chair for a 1/2 hour while on line will tire them out.  How does sitting in a chair warrant going to the exit and cutting the line?  I cry bullshit for the 2nd time this post. 

2.  Everyday we are being told by schools, social media and the news that people are equal.  It doesn't matter what color the person is, what country they are from or if they are handicapped or not.   Places of work have to spend money to accommodate a person in a wheelchair if hired.  They can't be turned down based on their handicap.  Everything has to be fair.  Then how come it doesn't have to be fair at Disney?  It's like, people get pissed off if they are treated differently due to their disability.   However, if this treatment actually benefits them, then it's ok.   How about we treat them equally and make them wait on line with us.

3.  THE RENTED WHEELCHAIRS SHOULD NOT COUNT!!!!  Ok, I understand why some people would need to rent a wheelchair at Disney.   People like my father in law.  He is functioning on a partial lung. In everyday life, he does pretty well, but there is no way in hell he could navigate around Disney without passing out.   I get it.  However, if you rent a wheelchair at Disney, it does mean that you can obviously function without one in the real world.  So, if you can function without one in real life, you should not get the benefit of cutting the line just because you need to be rolled around Disney.  I see these old people in rented wheelchairs who have their grand child sitting on their lap...then they go to the special line and get to go first.   This is beyond bullshit.  

Oh, and get this.   We did not purchase our tickets on line first.   We bought when we got there.  I swear to God there was a ticket booth with two people inside.   TWO PEOPLE!   That's insane!  Millions of people visit Disney each day.   What the hell are they thinking only having two ticket sales people???  It took forever!   We are finally at Disney, the kids are anxious to run in, but no, we have to wait a 1/2 hour just to buy the ticket to get in.  Even Shoprite has more money takers than that and has less than half the population each day.  Absolutely ridiculous.    Speaking of Shoprite, I have to admit that whoever invented this "Speed Pass" is a friggin genius!  If you are not familiar, Speed Pass works like this:    You want to go on a ride, but the displayed wait time shows that you have to wait for an hour to get on this ride.   Instead, you get a ticket for a "speed pass" and the ticket tells you what time (an hour window) to come back.   Then, when it's your designated time, you go with this special ticket on a different line and Viola!   Quick access to the ride.   During that time you have to wait for the speed pass to be active, you can go on another ride that has a lesser wait time, or you can shop, get some grub, whatever!  It really did assist us on being able to go on all the rides in the short time we had there.   I wish EVERYTHING has speed pass.  Imagine, walking into Shoprite, getting your speed pass for the check out time.  It gives you a time of a 1/2 hour away from when you got it.  You put all your items in the shopping cart and then by the time your are done, you go to your special speed pass line and check out right away.  No waiting on line behind someone arguing the price or with a million coupons.   No kids whining "when are we going home?".     I think I'm on to something here. 

I also think that for the amount of money spent to get into Disney, they should have some control over the weather.   It's like, I feel I paid enough money to guarantee that it won't rain and I won't be stuck seeking shelter crammed into a souvenir shop.  It rained several times when I was there.  In fact I was waiting on line, which happened to be indoors (no fast pass this time) and when it became our turn to ride the roller coaster it was pouring!   They still let us on the ride, but for me it totally sucked having the rain in my face.  Of course the kids loved it that way, so I should be happy.  Right?   Fortunately, my kids have the bestest, smartest mother in the world and I packed ponchos in my day trip bag that I schlepped all over Disney.  No need to spend $20 bucks on a plastic shmata that will rip into pieces after the rain.   Back to the topic,  I'm thinking they should just put a big dome over Disney to control the weather.   Fire the characters that are too lazy to walk around and use that salary money to build my dome. 

All in all, it was a great trip.   With only 2 days, we needed to plot and scheme as if we were surviving the Hunger Games.   Though we arrived home weathered and exhausted, we are happy that we are survivors.    A good time that I really never need to do again. 

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Birthday Bash

It's the age.  My youngest daughter is six and is in kindergarten.  If this were an age named by the Chinese, it would be Year of the Birthday Parties.   In kindergarten, I guess parents start the socialization and attempt at popularity of their children.  They have outlandish birthday parties and invite all the kids.  The more kids that are invited, the more accepted the child is.   Hence, hopefully this acceptance will carry on through elementary school and so on.  Then their kid will be one of the cool ones.  At least they got the ball rolling.  Phew.

I don't mind taking my daughter to the birthday parties.   At least it's an excuse for me to eat cake.   I won't even do the "let's wait until another grown up has a piece and then I'll have one" schtick.   I take the first one when offered so I can break the ice for the others.

The one thing I do hate is when I go to a birthday party and I have to work (i.e. supervise / observe my child).  If it's not a drop off party I really either just want to talk to another parent or sit and read a book.   I'm not going to help cut the cake or hand out the pizza.  Not my job.  Hire an event planner.    If you read one of my earlier blog posts, I wrote about parties at the Funplex.   I had to follow my kids around because the place is such a zoo that it would be easy for them to get lost or even kidnapped.  Not my kind of party.  I prefer the close nit, not open to the public venues.  The ones where the only kids you will see or interact with are the kids that are invited to this particular party.

I just went to a party yesterday and it was at a gym.  At first I was like, how lame.  What are the kids going to pump iron or do jumping jacks?  I almost declined but decided that perhaps I should aid my daughter in her friendship gathering.   I have never been to this gym and when I arrived I was in for a huge surprise.    There was an outdoor pool with a cool slide and tons of lounge chairs.  It looked like a country club pool.  Then I get inside and the place was like a hotel.  It had a salon, a cafe, couches in the entrance.   Sounds awesome, right?  It was a very cool place.   But here is where I start to twitch and feel my inner bitchiness oozing.

1.    The first activity was rock wall climbing.  In theory it's a lot of fun.  However, if you are hosting a birthday party mixing 5 and 6 year old kids, harnesses and rock wall climbing...have experienced supervision.  My daughter is tiny.  6 years old wearing size 4 clothes.  Her limbs are short.  Not really made for rock climbing.  I certainly wasn't going to discourage her and I really wanted her to be successful at it.  So she is hooked up to the harness she takes the first step, and off she goes.  She doesn't get too far, but she's kind of stuck.  There is no person guiding her.  The "attendant" standing next to her isn't even watching her.  She's looking off in space somewhere or perhaps watching another child in another lane.  My daughter is hanging onto the chain with both hands and swinging because she lost her footing and has no idea what the fuck to do.   So I have to run from my window ledge that I have made into a seat and "catch her."  Now, I knew she was harnessed in and that she wasn't going to fall, but I don't think that SHE realized that.  Could the fucking attendant have helped her?  Maybe guide her feet to the correct rock.  Or how about just using words to let my daughter know that she's ok and won't fall down?  Pissed me off.   Of course my daughter wanted to go back on line and try it again - twice.  Fine with me, I would love her to succeed in this rock climbing.  But every time she went up, she got stuck hanging with no help.     DON'T HAVE A PARTY WHERE A PARENT HAS TO PARTICIPATE IN THE ENTERTAINMENT OF THE CHILDREN.  Had I not been there, she would have been dangling from the wall for g-d knows how long.

2. Then it was off to the pool for the next activity on the itinerary.  Great, so instead of having a nice little roped off section for the birthday party...they throw the kids into a general swim.  Did I mention that this pool was HUGE?   So, it's not even like these kids are a cohesive group.  They are all doing independent swimming.  When I think of birthday parties, I think of  a group doing something together.  It could be sitting at a table painting pottery, or as simple as playing a game of pin the tail on the donkey.  But this?  It was just like we all happened to be at the same place at the same time, but there was no togetherness.  Plus, it was about 100 degrees out that day.   There were a million people in the pool.  Though I didn't doubt the skills of the lifeguards, I truly felt that there were too many people for the lifeguards to handle.  I stood at the edge of the pool and policed my own daughter.   Go ahead, call me a helicopter mom (which I'm really not).  But I was pretty sure that if some kid dunked my daughter, who can't swim without floaties under water, I would notice it before the lifeguard watching a million other people would.   Again, I was annoyed.   Arrange for a small area for the kids to play together and be supervised.  DON'T HAVE A PARTY WHERE A PARENT HAS TO PARTICIPATE IN THE ENTERTAINMENT OF THE CHILDREN

3.  Now this is gonna sound nutty.   I almost bitch slapped a woman over a piece of pizza.   Really.   So they handed out the pizza.  My daughter put a slice in her mouth and then before biting she put it back down on the plate and said "mom".  I thought she wanted me to blow on it, so I started walking over to her.   As I'm walking over, another mom (not the birthday girl's mom) grabbed the plate and gave it to another kid.  As I stand there with my mouth opened and a puzzled look on my face, she says "That was a 'boy' plate."   I swear, I was so shocked and so many things were running through my head that absolutely NOTHING came out.    In my head I was like "What the Fuck???"  Not because it happened to MY daughter.  But who does that?  Who takes a full plate away, from a child, because they believe the design on the plate is gender related?   Like my daughter gave fuck.   She already put the pizza in her mouth!!!!  So then I go to get her another piece, not paying attention to what gender the plate is, and it turns out there is no more left.  Oh, there is pizza left, but not the plain kind the kids love.  Designer pizzas with veggies and crap for the grown ups.   So the plainest I can find is just sauce with some fresh mozzarella.  I mean, I would like it but my girl just gave me a look like, "really?  what happened to my yummy pizza and what's this crap here with no cheese"?  I told her to just eat it.   I became even more furious.  I'm new to this town and I didn't want to cause a scene, but if I could go back in time and point out to everyone else what an ass that woman is, I would.  I'm kind of hoping I see her at kindergarten graduation so I can say to my husband with the pizza nazi in ear shot "that's the wacko who took the pizza from (enter daughter's name here) because it was on a BOY PLATE.   This time,  it was the PARENT who needed supervision at the party, not the kid.

Let's agree, for the future of our youth and for the sanity of all parents, to go back to basics.   House parties with cardboard party hats, a game of "Wonder ball" or hit a pinata, some cake and fruit punch, open presents, get a goodie bag and balloon and call it a day.   When I was younger and went to such parties in my friends' basements, I have no idea if my mom was there or not.  She might have dropped me off or now that I am grown up and know better, perhaps the moms were upstairs boozing it up and gossiping.

 This trend of having parties with the general public involved, not knowing who is a participant of this gathering is and who is not, letting kids run amok without any guidance or supervision must end.  It exhausts me.   I would go hungry, I would go blind, I would jump off a cliff for my kids...but I don't think I can bear another fucking birthday party.    G-d I hope their classmates' parents don't see this.  I would hate for them to be excluded from a party.