Remember when we were younger (I'm assuming all my readers are at least over the hill like me and closer to the age of death than the age of birth) and if you didn't want to be friends with someone, you had to either say "I hate you and I'm never talking to you again!!!"? Or you could simply and slowly stop contact with this person until they fade into oblivion. Sometimes you might get a phone call or letter asking what happened or suggesting a reconciliation. Well, now with modern technology, you can make it ceremonious! You can make it so blatant like a slap in the face. All you have to do is Un-Friend someone on Facebook. It's bold and cowardly at the same time! One day your "friend" is communicating with you on Facebook or looking at your photos and then the next day, WHAM!, they're gone. Bye, Bye. Like they fell off a cliff.
Or, you can do it Stacey style by not just un-friending someone but go to the extreme and click on the option that reads "this person is bothering me." In this case, this person, cannot even find you on Facebook. He can't search your name, find you, and send a message saying "how come we're not friends anymore?" They might even think you deleted your account altogether.
To my knowledge, I only got the axe once. It was a friend from high school who, but for Facebook, I probably would not know anything about. It's not that we didn't like each other, it's just one of those friendships whose lifespan expired after high school. No ill will, just self absorption in one's own life to remember that person. Once we connected on Facebook, we did have some nice conversations. About our life between high school and now, about our relationships, etc. One time, there was a picture posted of him with his new, pretty, girlfriend. With that picture was a very sentimental and mushy comment. I suspected that the girlfriend took his phone and posted that comment so that it would have his name. From what I knew about him, he was not the mushy type. So I posted a comment back complimenting the girlfriend's good looks and also suggesting that she made the mushy comment. I don't remember exactly how it went down but I wrote something like "It doesn't sound like something you would say." Well, he totally freaked! Sent me a private email telling me off and how dare I say that it didn't sound like something he would say and how I ruined the relationship with a girl he really cared for. Fucking for real?? I replied that if something I - someone he hasn't physically seen in over 20 years- had that much of an impact over their relationship just by posting a silly comment that really meant nothing - then that relationship wasn't quite put together to begin with. It's not like I wrote "You're right Evan, she does look like a whore". Now that could ruin a relationship! But writing "it doesn't sound like something you would say" doesn't seem that harmful to me. Anyway, when I tried to respond again, I noticed that I was chopped. Oh well, se la vie. My life has not really been affected.
Well, recently I gave the axe to a friend. The worst part is that he kind of was a real live friend. It's not someone I saw all the time. In fact it had been a few years. But on a few occasions my husband and I went out socially with him and his wife. I have known him since I was in elementary school.
It's funny how you think you know someone but then you find out you are delusional.
Keep in mind that I am NOT the type of person to freak out when someone has a different opinion than me. Not to toot my own horn, but I would say that one of my few qualities is that I can have a difference of opinion about something and not really care and take it personally. What I mean is, let's say my friend and I have different political views. She says what she wants, I say what I want, and there's a discussion. No name calling or fighting. I actually enjoy hearing other points of views. I am open minded and willing to hear it. The way I see it is, maybe I missed something when I formed my opinion. Or, I just like to hear why people have their opinions. Back it up baby.
EXCEPT IN THIS CASE.
I COULD NOT CONTINUE TO PARTICIPATE, EVEN AS A SPECTATOR ON FACEBOOK, WITH HIS RANTS .
Lately, his posts have become very aggressive. There was nothing ever lite and airy on his posts. Often his topics had me convinced he was a racist. Not my style. I do not discriminate, I make fun of EVERYONE EQUALLY. One time I even commented that perhaps he should take it easy and post pictures of his car thermometer or his lunch (two things I hate as postings). God forbid you have a difference of opinion. I would often give my point of view (hey, sometimes I even agreed with him), but on one particular occasion when I disagreed, I got a personal email from him with the "How dare I's". Actually it started with a rant, because after 30 someodd years, I forgot to call him on his birthday. Oh the horror. Here is a sampling of what he wrote:
I never hear from you. I've called you about your brother, listened to your problems, etc. I'm a good and caring friend. No reciprocation. Yet I see you on FB all the time posting your silly, sometimes inappropriate, musings you think are so entertaining. And I haven't seen you in how many years?
I as an attorney with a doctorate degree and political science degree want to post about politics. My friend Stacey likes to disagree with me - okay. However, to post that my posts demonstrate "rage" in the open area of my FB page for everyone to see, is rude, thoughtless, or both.
First of all, he's complaining that I post silly, sometimes inappropriate musings. Umm, Facebook IS SILLY! I don't think it should be used for serious issues. That's what CNN is for. And what's the correlation between me posting silly shit and the amount of time that has passed between our last in person socialization? He and his wife do not have kids. They don't get that I don't really have a social life because I spend a lot of time pursuing my kids' interests and friendships. That's what happens when you become a parent.
It's the 2nd paragraph that absolutely kills me. His opinion is more valid because he has a doctorate degree AND a political science degree? Well, whooptie fucking doo. Does that mean if he thinks the best color in the world is blue and I think it's purple, I'm wrong because he has a doctorate degree?? By the way, if people with doctorate degrees and political science degrees are always right in their opinions, how come there are two different political parties with different objectives? Just a thought.
After this, I kind of kept my distance. Once in a while I would reply to a post of his. But the last straw happened when the shooting at the Short Hills Mall took place. For those readers out of this geographical area, the Short Hills Mall is a fancy schmancy mall. I go in looking like a schlub because I don't want anyone knowing what I have. Kind of like the scene in Pretty Woman when the sales lady dis her because she isn't wearing Chanel, and then she goes back and shoves it in their face how stupid they were. I'm kind of like that...if people think you "have some" then they "want some". If they think you don't they don't harass you when you walk in the store. But I digress. Soo, at this mall there was a car jacking and shooting. BIG NEWS.
He posted about this incident and I speculated that maybe it was a set up. I mean, I'm pretty tight with some folks from the hood and I have learned that a lot of thieves, don't kill...that's not their motive. They want their shit and they want to sell it. Killing is a whole other level when it comes to incarceration. Well! Did I ever get a tongue lashing!!! Of course, he didn't do it on the post I responded to...he sent me a private message. I don't understand why, if he had this particular opinion, why he hid it instead of doing it out in the open. Anywho...the email went off on me that my comment was stupid and ridiculous and THIS is the reason why women should not be in the fields of Law, Law enforcement or politics.
REALLY? THIS IS why? I have A TON of female friends who are lawyer (and I'm a paralegal when I'm not blogging). I also have a female relative who is a judge. But even if I didn't know all these females, I would still be pissed. Now, any of you who know me, know that I am NOT a feminist. See one of my previous posts:
But, I will NOT stand for this! He also added that women should not work - period (His wife works). That life was so much better in the past when wives stayed home and men worked and now the world is crazy all because mother's work.
Fucking insane. He got the big chop! I did not even respond. I went gently through the night and hit the option for "this person is bothering me". This option is usually marked for stalkers but I didn't want him to even be able to contact me if he wanted. Granted, he still has my personal email and phone number but who uses that anymore.
I'm thinking Facebook should have an option for funerals. When you ditch a friend and just want to bury them in the past. You can send that person a coffin icon. If you're Jewish, they will get it withing 24 hours. Otherwise, there can be a "Wake" where people send messages like "you fucked up" or "I can't stand you anymore either".
I know I've kept you a long time here with my personal issues. At this time I would like to give shout outs to some of my Facebook friends (in no specific order)
Virginia P - You post photos of your meals that you create. Normally I find this quite annoying. Your meals always look so delicious. I wish one time you would post a picture and then write "Stacey, I'll be right over with this delicious dinner so you can have some"
Tara- You're a big mouth and you get yourself into trouble. I love it. But what I love most is what I stated above. We can disagree. We can be friends who disagree. Usually when you have an opinion you support it with data.
Ben - friggen funny. I'm hard to please but always manage to get a chuckle even if I don't write "LOL" on your post.
Sue G- Posts about her workouts and how great her figure is. We get it. :) You're hot and I'm NOT saying that sarcastically. When I get off my fat ass, go work out and stop eating carbs I am going to post all my hot body pics too. But for now I will have to use humor to hide my pain.
Len - I don't quite understand a lot of your postings, but I like you as a friend
Dan R - I NEVER understand your posts. You are very smart and you make me feel dumb.
Lisa B - You always have some sort of enlightening proverb. You remind me of a calendar or a fortune cookie.
Pete S. - Your daily funnies are actually good ones. Keep it up.
Adrianne - Always posting happy times and trips with new husband. I'll catch up with you 10 years from now when you're jaded. :)
Kim T and Donna R- Thanks for always "liking" my silly posts. It gives me the emotional boost I need for my low self esteem.
To all others unmentioned - Thank you for being a friend and I love ya.