Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Jury Doodie

I recently had the (un)pleasure of being called for jury duty. I realize it's the least I could do for my country - besides paying taxes to live here and recycling - and I certainly enjoyed the day off from work, but jury doodie really stinks!

Of course I think the system is incredibly flawed. Their first mistake? Making me pay to return my questionnaire. They send you the form in the mail requesting your presence at the court house. However, beforehand you must complete the attached form and return it via mail. Whattt?? I get the bad news that I have to go and then they make me pay 45 cents for it!!!! That's fucked up, man. As a courtesy, they should at least provide one of those postage free envelopes.

The next problem? They didn't even check my identification! If I had known that they would not check to see if the real Stacey showed up I could have bribed someone to go in my place and did something fun instead. I had the excused absence from work, with documentation. That never happens. I usually have to invent a sick kid or get one of those online doctor's notes.

Then came the excuses! Everyone had an issue on why they could not serve for a week. Most of the people claimed that they could not miss work, that they were too essential or that they would not get paid. I totally solved the problem! New Jersey has an unemployment rate of almost 9%. Let them serve jury duty! It's five dollars for the first day and then if the service is extended, the pay is $40.00. That's awesome for someone that doesn't have a job. It's not like you have to have special skills or education. No chance of getting caught on the lie of (ahem)knowing how to use PowerPoint. How about all those people collecting disability checks? If they can sit home and watch the Price is Right and other crappy daytime television shows, they can sit in a jury box. Granted, they may not be able to wear their Forever Lazy outfits but at least they won't have to get up and move around a lot. Well, they might have to tap into their cognitive skills, but they can just take an aspirin at night to cure the headache.

How about old people? Instead of clogging up the supermarkets on Senior Citizen Tuesdays...maybe the special old people bus can take them to the courts. They can even hang out and watch the trials if they don't get picked. Unfortunately, they might have to only serve one day trials as the next day they might not remember what happened beforehand. But then again, that might just work for a prosecutor. Plus, don't they live for this type of shit.

Speaking of prosecutors, did you know that having sexual relations with one can excuse you from jury duty? Yup! I don't recommend finding a prosecutor the day of a trial and luring him into the alley, then asking for a pass. However, if you happen to have jury duty and the judge asks if you recognize any of the attorneys or witnesses and one of the just happens to be someone you passed time with while in college...speak up! They won't ask for proof.

Don't ask me how I know.

Friday, February 10, 2012

And I (e-yiiiii) will always love you.

Recently, a pop star singer turned bad actress passed away. Her name is Whitney Houston. She was an adorable young woman who, in the 80's or 90's ( I can't remember and don't care enough to even google it) had a bunch of bubblegum pop songs. I thought the songs were good, they were catchy. Now I get to hum along with them in the elevators.

Her death was unexpected. Well, if you are in denial about some one's excessive drug use, I guess you can say it was unexpected. What I'm trying to say is that she wasn't old and as far as the public knew she wasn't ill. It is speculated (at the point that I am writing this) that she combined prescribed medications and abused them. The wrong cocktail of drugs (legal & illegal) and alcohol put her over the edge.

Anyway, the purpose of this post is really about the funeral. Not so much about her throwing her life away. There is a whole lot of discussion about her funeral. The family wants to have a private funeral. Some of her fans want to attend as well and are a bit annoyed. Really? Are you fucking kidding me? Don't the fans have anything better to do on a Saturday morning? It's nearing the end of February. Go get your taxes done or something.

I can understand being shocked and upset that someone you admired, even from a distance passed away. Kind of like when Chris Farley died. I was like "holy shit, I never thought this day would come." I didn't know him, I didn't know anyone related to him. I just thought he was a really funny guy! He entertained me! I didn't expect him to go so soon. Did I cry? No. Did I send his family a greeting card? No. But a piece of me was really disappointed that he would never make me laugh again.

There are actually people freaking out because as FANS they feel entitled to go to the funeral and pay their respects. I think this is ridiculous. I would like someone to explain to me why a fan is justified in attending a funeral. You may not realize it but if you scroll down there is a section for comments. Go ahead, tell me why I'm wrong. On a talk radio station, a caller said that once she became famous she was not a private citizen anymore. She was a public figure and her fans are her public family. He's on crack! Just because she had a talent and used that talent to earn a living, it does not make her lose her private citizen status. She's a god damn saleswoman! You buy her records, maybe pay for a concert ticket or even pay to watch a movie she was in. That does not mean you know her or that she belongs to you. You supported her life style, but she and her family owe you nothing.

Have a little respect for the family. A mother lost her child. A child just lost her mother. Let them grieve among themselves. It's bad enough that her death is blown all over the media filled with negative comments and speculations. Why as a fan would you even want to go? You're not paying your respect to Whitney. She's dead..and she didn't know you anyway! You pay the respect to the family who lost a loved one. They don't really care about you because they never met you and even worse, now you won't be buying anymore of Whitney's stuff. Because she dead. So the family has decided they want a private funeral. Want to show your respect? Stay home and play her cd.

........and if you even start with "well, the taxpayers are paying for the security outside the funeral. So as taxpayers, we should be able to go..." I will fucking go ape shit!!! If the fans would just stay the hell home and shut up, they wouldn't need security.

as a side note....why was the location of the funeral even made public to begin with???? That's rhetorical. No need to answer in my unused comments section.