Thursday, May 17, 2012


Ok, it's been a while since I blogged, but fucking changed their format and I can't figure out how to use it.  What is it with websites redecorating?  Facebook did it and put my page on that stupid "timeline" which I fucking hate and now did it to me too.   I'm so annoyed.  I'm from the school of "if it ain't broke, don't fix it."

Anyway, that's not what this topic is about.  I just had to vent. I'm done.  Thank you.

Here's the real topic.  Have you seen this?

Or if you have some free time and really want to be grossed out, watch this:

The article is about a woman who still breast feeds her four year old son!!!!!   Diiiii-sgu-sting!!!!!  I want to throw up.  (The video above is about a woman who breast feeds her grown daughters but I'll just focus on the article for now.)

I was never a big fan of breast feeding to begin with.  I mean, I don't normally find it disgusting, but it just wasn't my thing.  My first issue with breast feeding is that if you chose to do it, you're the one stuck feeding the kid.  At 2:00 in the morning, dad gets to sleep and you have to get up and feed Jr.  Dad wakes up and says "Well, I would do it, but I don't have boobs. So Sorry."  I'm all for co-parenting.  The baby can drink formula from a bottle and we can take turns getting up.   My second issue, it fuckin hurts!  The nipples get all chafed, your boobs get so sore when it fills up with milk.  Really.  Men have no idea.   My boobs hurt sooo bad that I fantasized getting a steak knife and slicing them off.    I gave it two weeks, tops, with both kids and gave up.   Their half J.A.P., er, Jewish anyway, they would much rather have take out (i.e. store bought formula) than a home-made meal anyway.

To be honest with you, I don't actually see the health benefits.  "They" (meaning articles I have read but cannot cite) say that a baby who drinks breast milk is healthier than a baby that does not.   I have not witnessed that.   A lot of babies that I KNOW were breast fed had ear infections, reflux, threw up all the time.  This is the honest to god truth, my daughter threw up for the first time ever in her life when she was 2 1/2 years old.  I know the year because it was the week that I brought baby #2 home from the hospital.  She was so shocked, she had no idea what the heck just happened.   Can any of you breast feeding moms tell me that your kid's first throw up was at 2 1/2 years old? 

My last issue with breast feeding is that most (not all, don't yell at me) women who breast feed are like these self rightious aholes who throw it in your face and try to get  you to join their cult.   They look down at you like "ohhh, you don't breast feed?"  Then they give you a list of reasons why you should.  It's like, mind your own business you fucking Jehovah Breastness.  Stop knocking on my door trying to show me the way. 

Despite the above, I honestly don't have any issues with other people breast feeding.  What ever floats your boat. 

Four years old is just waaaay to old to be doing this shit.  At what point does it become incest?

"It’s really warm. It’s like embracing your mother, like a hug. You feel comforted, nurtured and really, really loved,” she said. “I had so much self-confidence as a child, and I know it’s from that. I never felt like she would ever leave me. I felt that security.”  Direct quote from said breast feeding mother whom was breastfed herself until she was six years old.  

Well guess what you friggin moron?   My kids don't feel like they are being embraced, they actually are embraced.  If I  want them to feel the love of a hug...I hug them, god damn it.   Oh, and breast feeding gives them confidence?  How about just verbally encouraging your kid?  Ever think of that?   I am so glad that because she was breast fed until she was 6 years old, she never felt that her mother would leave her.   I have a pretty good feeling that even though I bottle fed my kids formula, my kids know that they can count on me.  I don't need them choppin on my nipple for them to not feel abandoned.    Try having meals together, on a plate at a table.  That's highly recommend for a cohesive family.

Ok, now lets see it from the kid's point of view.   So mommy and Jr. are at the park.  He runs up to her and says that he's thirsty.  What?  Does she just lift up her boob and let him take a gulp?  Won't the other kids make fun of him?  Or, you know how if a kid brings a toy or food somewhere and the parent / teacher says "You can't play with it / eat it unless you brought some for all."  Does that still apply here?   

I'm guessing he eats solid foods too.  But what happens when he eats at a friend's house.  Does he walk over to the mom and say "lift it, bitch."  No really, I would not expect a four year old to say "Bitch" but I wouldn't expect a kid to breast feed at all if he can construct sentences.   The only thing a breast feeding child should be able to say is "goo goo, gaa gaa."

What about the dad?  How does he feel about this?  I read two separate articles and there was no mention.  They called her Ms. and said that she has an adopted 5 year old whom she also breast feeds.  I wonder what happens when her significant other goes to suck on or kiss her boob during foreplay.   Does she push him (or her) away and whine "Ewwwl..stop it, that's gross!".

This mom needs to stop!   My two kids fight over everything!  If one has a toy and the other one sees them playing with it, they automatically start grabbing and yelling over who had it first.  With talking breast feeding kids, I'm sure they will begin fist fighting over the boob.  I mean, she has two but does she want to use both at the same time? 

Crazy breast feeding lady, please end it now.   Tell your kids you love them, tuck them in at night and kiss them in the morning.   I promise you, they will feel your love without having to feel you up.