Sunday, October 31, 2010

Sex, Lies and Videotapes

My daughter just entered the 1st grade and is a beginner reader. I'm so happy that she has learned how to sound out letters to form words and I am excited for the doors that will open for her. I am an avid reader and I can't wait to share my favorites from my childhood with her.

However...yes,there is always a however, sometimes life would just be easier if her intelligence / development was limited.

I know it's an awful thing to say, especially out loud. But as a parent, at times normal development can cause more problems. For instance, many parents think it's a pain in the ass when a baby is in diapers. Schlepping all that crap with you. Diapers, wipes, rash cream, extra clothes, etc. But wait, just wait until they are just starting out in underwear. You think, "hooray! No more diapers!" Not so quick. At least when they are in diapers, they poop or pee in their pants and when you find the bathroom (I'm talking social setting here, not your house), you change them. When they are in the early stages of underwear, and they say "I gotta go", all the sudden it's PANIC TIME! Have you ever tried to find the bathroom in a mall? It's never where you would think like by the food court or in children stores. It's always in some remote corner of a department store or the actual mall. The goal is to find the bathroom and actually get to it before it's too late. Which is easier? Cleaning up a dirty diaper, or cleaning up pee or poop on the floor and getting wet pants, underwear, socks and shoes off of a child in public? This is what I mean about sometimes it's easier when children are limited to their development.

Recently, I had a dilemma because now my daughter can read, kind of. We were in the video store looking for something for me. As I am browsing we had the wonderful luck of passing "Sex in the City". My daughter turns to me and asks "What's s-e-x in the city?" I quickly remembered that over the summer she came home from camp singing the Katie Perry song "California Girls" and she was singing the words "SAX, ON THE BEACH (BLAH BLAH BLAH)". I was very unhappy that she knew that song, but pleased that she was singing "sax" and not "sex". After pulling that from my memory bank, I replied "Sax in the City". She accepted my answer and topic was forgotten. Whew, challenge completed.

Until, we get in the car. Let the games begin!
Daughter: Mom? What are sax?
Me: Ummm, sacks, like potato sacks.
Daughter: What are potato sacks?
Me: like bags, that hold potatoes.
Daughter: Why would they have potato sacks in the city?
Me: I don't know! Stop asking questions!

This is exhausting. But then I hear my daughter sounding out her vowels, just like she was taught and just like we practice every night Monday through Friday.

"ah, ah, ah". "eh, eh, eh". "Hey mom! An 'E' does not make the 'ah' sound".

I am really so friggin glad she's learning how to read.

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