Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Goodnight Moon?

Good Night Moon is one of the most popular children's book on the market. I really don't know of any family of babies or toddlers that does not possess this book. It's like a phenomenon. People go crazy over how wonderful it is.

I think it BLOWS! It totally sucks! I don't get it.

There are no characters. There is no plot. Just the author saying goodnight to random things in a bedroom. Stupid shit in a bedroom that does not even belong there. Totally does not make any sense. I can't latch on to the hype. That "Goodnight Moon Cult" can exclude me as a member. It has to be a cult...and the participants are the weak mindless ones who were convinced that it's a great book so they insist on liking it too. I'm sure the believers sell Amway too.

In the great green room there was a telephone and a red balloon and a picture of a cow jumping over the moon. And there were three little bears sitting on chairs and two little kittens and a pair of mittens and a little toy house and a young mouse. And a comb and a brush and a bowl full of mush. And a quiet old lady who was whispering hush.

Goodnight room. Goodnight moon. Goodnight cow jumping over the moon. Goodnight light and the red balloon. Goodnight bears Goodnight chairs. Goodnight kittens goodnight mittens. Goodnight clocks and goodnight socks. Goodnight little house and goodnight mouse. Goodnight comb and goodnight brush. Goodnight nobody goodnight mush, And goodnight to the old lady
whispering hush. Good night stars goodnight air Goodnight noises everywhere.

That's not a excerpt from the book. That's the whole friggin book! No plot, no climax, no sense. For instance, if there are kittens in the room, why is there a mouse? Wouldn't the cats scare away the mouse? Why a bowl of mush? It's bedtime for Christ's sake? Put the bowl of mush in the sink, you slob. Maybe that's why you have mice! Same goes for the mittens. Why are they in the bedroom? Isn't there a coat closet or something? In the illustration, there is a telephone on the night stand. What baby (or baby rabbit, in this case) needs a telephone in his room? What's up with the old lady rabbit saying "hush"? The kid hasn't even said a word yet and she's already saying "hush". Now once he started saying goodnight to the god damn pictures on the wall, and the red balloon, you know he was stalling going to bed. That's when the old lady rabbit should say "hush" or "shut up and go to bed already".

Now, a lesser known children's book is "Chicka Chicka Boom Boom". This book ROCKS! It has a story line, it has emotion, it has rhythm. Everything a book needs. It doesn't get half the accolades as Goodnight Moon.

Unlike Gooodnight Moon, Chicka Chicka Boom Boom teaches a lesson. This book teaches kids the alphabet. All the letters in the alphabet climb up the coconut tree. See, there's even a plot. This book even has rhythm..lines like Skit skat skoodle doot. Flip flop Flee. Everybody running to the coconut tree. Now doesn't that sound kind of like a song? Not monotone like goodnight this, good night that.

Mothers, fathers, caretakers everywhere: If you want your child to enjoy reading and to have great expectations of books, throw Goodnight Moon in the trash! Burn it! Don't allow them to fall in the trap that this is great literature. It will only teach your children that they can produce crap and get away with it if everyone else says it's gold. GOOD NIGHT MOON! FOREVER!


  1. "Put the bowl of mush in the sink, you slob. Maybe that's why you have mice!"

    Pissed myself laughing. Thank Ben for sending his Facebook friends over here!!

  2. Thank you Meech! I am overwhelmed that you peed yourself. It's really what I strive for. I am so glad you liked it. Now go change your pants, you slob.