I often enjoy reading the engagement announcements in the newspaper. Even though I am certain to not recognize anybody in the announcement, I guess it's my way of being nosy without side effects.
What I don't understand is, why do the authors of these announcements turn it into a resume'? Here's a sample engagement announcement:
Mr. and Mrs. Hershal Lunatic of Livingston, NJ announce the engagement of their daughter, Naive to Tyler Snodgrass, son of Harvey and Matilda Snodgrass of East Bumfuck, NJ.
Naive Lunatic graduated from County College with a degree in Early Childhood Education in 2000 and is now a Kindergarten teacher at Elm Street Elementary School.
(Then it goes on to give the credentials for the potential groom.) With an ending of: The wedding is planned for April 2010.
Why are they giving us their education and career background? Is that necessary when announcing their engagement? Where they work or went to school is not relevant to them getting married. Unless you know multiple people with that exact name and if the photograph doesn't narrow it down, I guess you could narrow it down by the background. "OH, it's THAT Naive Lunatic! I thought it was the Naive Lunatic who also went to County College but is a Customer Service Rep.
WOULDN'T IT MAKE MORE SENSE, AND BE MORE FUN FOR THE ANNOUNCEMENT TO PROVIDE THE COUPLE'S DATING HISTORY?
A true engagement announcement should include the following:
A.How the couple met.
B. What led them to their circumstances (i.e.. why they were single)
C. How he (or she) proposed.
D. Where the wedding is (which is usually included anyway).
For example:
Mr. and Mrs. Hershal Lunatic of Livingston, NJ are freaking overjoyed that their 32 year old daughter Naive is finally getting hitched to Tyler Snodgrass, son of Harvey and Matilda of East Bumfuck, NJ.
Naive and Tyler met when Tyler was rebounding from his prior girlfriend, Ashley. Tyler was drinking in Hoboken with his guy friends when Naive fell for his bullshit line that he thought he knew her. At the time, Naive was celebrating her friend's bachlorette party. Showing a brave face but internally whining that she wants to meet a guy too. After two years of breaking up and getting back together, Naive finally made an ultimatum. Of course, Tyler didn't want to be tied down like that, but then he thought he figured he wouldn't have to work anymore to "get the goods". Tyler popped the question in the most UNORIGINAL way by putting the ring in a dessert when they had dinner out. But then again, Naive took all the fun out of the proposal because she had already personally picked out the ring and knew a proposal was coming. He might as well asked her at the jewelry store.
The wedding is planned for Spring 2010 and will be held at the Snooty Country Club. The bride is focusing on colors, theme and decorating crap. She doesn't realize that nobody gives a SHIT about any of that stuff except: If the food is good, if the bar is OPEN and the music is danceable.
The groom's friends are giving it two years - TOPS.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
What Makes Me, ME
The following is not a put down on my parents. Merely, funny and strange occurrences that have happened which I believe has made me the nutcase I am today. Though not all of these stories have been witnessed, by siblings or otherwise, I am swearing that they ALL really did happen.
Let me preface by saying that my parents were not in any way, shape or form abusive or neglectful. As far as parents go, they were pretty awesome. From age three to age 14 they sent me to camp. They paid my college tuition (and would have paid for my Masters if Montclair College -oops University - didn't reject me for my MBA. Assholes!). They did this also for my siblings as well. They never kicked me out of the house or required that I pay rent. I also always had awesome birthday parties and they brought me up not ever "wanting for anything" yet did not spoil me.
On occasion, they just said or did some WACKY things! I'm going to try and do this in chronological order:
1. EAT YOUR MASHED POTATOES!: As a child I was a slow eater. My mom would sit and wait at the table while I finished and everyone else would get up and do their thing. One time, everyone had already left but I still had mashed potatoes on my plate. I told my mother that I was full and she replied "eat your mashed potatoes". I insisted that I could not eat anymore and her response was that I better eat them or I would be wearing them. Well, I certainly couldn't eat them without busting a gut so my mom took the plate of mashed potatoes and shoved it in my face! If that wasn't bad enough, she brought me outside to where my friends and siblings were playing and yelled "Hey everybody! This is how Stacey eats her mashed potatoes"! Then she brought me to the bathroom and filled the bathtub with about a centimeter of water and expected me to take a bath in it. To this day, I absolutely LOVE mashed potatoes and usually over extend myself when eating of them.
2. GET OFF THE TOILET NOW!: I am not quite sure how old I was but this is the first memory I have of feeling REALLY insignificant (which is pretty much the theme here). I believe I was in elementary school around 4th grade. Well, I was sitting on the toilet and I hear my father come in the front door, presumably from work and run up the stairs in a panic. He sees the closed bathroom door and says "Who's in there?"
I answer "I am" (what else?). He opens the door sees me on the toilet and forces me to get off. Now I am almost certain he only verbally forced me, not yanked me off the toilet or anything. But I am also pretty certain that his words were all it took. What my father said, went. From this day on I do pee / poop very quickly. I believe this incident scarred me from having a relaxing time doing my business. By the way, we had another bathroom. Why he couldn't run back down the stairs is beyond me.
3. OH,BY THE WAY, DID I MENTION THAT GRANDMA IS DEAD?: A little background information. By the time I was 2 all of my grandparents had passed except my maternal Grandmother. In fact, I didn't even realize that my grandmother was my mother's mother. I mean, my father didn't have a mother, and both my father and mother didn't have fathers. But I knew she was my Grandma and that was all that mattered to have a special relationship. Well, the summer going from I think 6th grade to 7th grade I was away at sleep away camp. My mother told me (in July)that Grandma is sick and that I should write her letters. I wrote letters all summer long and mailed them home for my mom to deliver. On top of that I made all of these arts and craft projects and saved them to personally deliver to her when I got home from camp. I remember specifically making a Chai (hebrew number 18 and symbol of good luck) and I made her a heart both from the copper enamics art class. I think I still even have it in a box in my closet at the house I grew up in. Anyway, the summer is over, I arrive home and my parents take (us) out for dinner. Then they drop the bomb! Grandma died. What??? When???
In friggin July!!!! So I was writing letters and making art projects for a dead person? They didn't think to tell me then? I kind of understand their logic: they didn't want to ruin my summer, and being a 10 year old, what was I going to do anyway? They would have to drive all the way to Pennsylvania to pick me up to bring me to the funeral, and that would just be inconvenient. Still, I think it's kind of weird. Maybe they could have sent me a postcard.
4. SHE DOESN'T WANT TO BABYSIT, SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND: When I was a camp counselor, one of the camper's parents asked me to babysit. Honestly, the kids were awesome. They had fun games to play with, they went to bed when I told them to and on top of that the parents paid $10.00 an hour!!! That was back in the mid 80's which is pretty damn good. Anyway, that summer, like most, I had the boyfriend du season (my summertime boyfriend - to be dumped immediately after labor day). So the parent calls my house and I had unfortunate timing. I was not home and my mother answered!!! UGH! She should never, never, answer the phone, especially if the call is not intended for her (but how would she know that unless she answered, right?). She tells this awesome parent who pays $10 an hour that I am not interested in babysitting because I have a boyfriend. WHAT????? THAT WAS SOOO NOT THE CASE. My mom ruined it for me!!! By the way, I can't even remember boyfriend du season's name but I do remember that the kids were Jamie and David P. of Livingston.
5.I JUST FARTED AND I FEEL BETTER: Ok, so I think I pretty much went unscathed from 10 years old until I was a freshman in college. Granted my mom went on with her inappropriate comments but nothing that affected me directly. Well, Freshman year my friend Susan calls me and during our conversation she asked "How is your dad?" I kind of think it's strange because it's not like she asked "How are your parents?" You know, asking to be nice. I say "Fine, I guess". Then she asks me if he is out of the hospital yet. "What are you talking about, Susan". She answers that he had a heart attack. I quickly hang up and call home. I ask my mom about dad and she says that he is fine, he's right there next to her, not in the hospital. Susan is crazy. I had my mom put my dad on the phone and he said he had chest pains but then on the way to the doctor's office, he farted and everything is fine. Susan must have heard wrong. Well, I accepted this answer..but guess what?? A couple of months later during a long weekend I brought a friend from college home. While sitting in the den, my father said to my friend "Would you like to see my scar from my pacemaker?" So not only did they lie about having a heart attack but my friend finds out about it and the pacemaker before I did! And we were in the same room!
6. OH NO, MY PARENTS ARE GETTING DIVORCED: Sophomore year of college my parents drove up to Rhode Island to pay me a visit. Now you don't understand my parents. They just don't drive a couple of hundred miles to say hi and pay a visit to their daughter. It just wasn't in them (as you will see in my #7). When they arrived my friend Lisa was in my dorm room. They asked her to leave the room because they wanted to talk to me privately. I got a little tingly because I had a premonition that they were going to tell me that they were getting a divorce. Honestly, I wasn't upset..I was actually quite excited. I mean, I have seen children of divorced parents and the parents like to play "Can you top this" with spoiling their children. Well, they proceed to tell me that they have bad news and the news is that my cat, Howard died. I have had this cat since the first grade. I was upset, but seriously, I thought this could have been handled over the phone. It's just so ironic that they DON'T tell me when Grandma dies but they drive 200 miles to tell me that my cat died??????????????? Totally screwed up!!
7. GRANDE FINALE. THEY PUT YOU IN A CAR WITH A STRANGER????????????
Growing up, you always here "Don't talk to strangers" or "never get in a car with a stranger, even if he says he has a lost puppy". Usually it's a parent or adult saying it to a child. In my case, my parents ENCOURAGED me to get into a car with a stranger!?! It was on the Sunday after Thanksgiving my Freshman year of college (Probably one of the busiest traffic days all year). I had gotten a ride home from a girl in my dorm but she had a two seater car. She called me to tell me that over the weekend her mom took her shopping and there was just no room in the car for me. Well, I had some stuff to bring back to school too and I had too much stuff to take on the train by myself. My parents would just have to take me. We left early morning and about an hour later we were still on the Parkway since there was A LOT of traffic. Phones built into cars had just become popular and my father insisted (though it was only 9:00 a.m.) that he call my brother to tell him that they would not be home until midnight. My father's constant complaining was seriously causing me to have suicidal thoughts. Only there were no sharp objects in the car. Every time we passed another car that had a "University of Rhode Island" sticker on the back window, my father would ask me if I knew that person. One time, we passed an older lady in a car that had a sticker. He asked me if she was one of my teachers. When I replied "No" he asked if I was sure. Yes, I'm sure that none of my professors commuted to Rhode Island from New Jersey. Anyway, I could only tolerate this for so long! As we are sitting in bumper to bumper traffic my father spots another car with a URI sticker on it. He again asked if I knew him but this time, so fed up, I said facetiously "No, but would you like me to ask him to take me to school?" I rolled down my window, asked the guy if he was going to URI. When he replied that he was, I asked him if he would take me. Next thing you know, he was pulled over, my dad pulled over, handed him some money, put my bags in his trunk and said "take my daughter to school". Great, so not only was this guy going to kill me, but my father just paid him cash to do it!. Obviously I got to school just fine since I am here to tell all about it. He even invited me to his fraternity house for a party that night AND carried my bags up four flights of stairs. The even better news: My parents bought me a car so that I could drive MYSELF to school!
Honorable Mention: In the 5th grade I fell while roller skating at Livingston Roller Rink. When I came home and told my mother, she refused to take me to the hospital because she said that I was faking it for attention. (Actually it was my Aunt who suggested I was faking, but my mom was easily persuaded). After spending the night in her bed and waking every hour in pain, she finally took me to the hospital the next day. Yep, it was broken.
Let me preface by saying that my parents were not in any way, shape or form abusive or neglectful. As far as parents go, they were pretty awesome. From age three to age 14 they sent me to camp. They paid my college tuition (and would have paid for my Masters if Montclair College -oops University - didn't reject me for my MBA. Assholes!). They did this also for my siblings as well. They never kicked me out of the house or required that I pay rent. I also always had awesome birthday parties and they brought me up not ever "wanting for anything" yet did not spoil me.
On occasion, they just said or did some WACKY things! I'm going to try and do this in chronological order:
1. EAT YOUR MASHED POTATOES!: As a child I was a slow eater. My mom would sit and wait at the table while I finished and everyone else would get up and do their thing. One time, everyone had already left but I still had mashed potatoes on my plate. I told my mother that I was full and she replied "eat your mashed potatoes". I insisted that I could not eat anymore and her response was that I better eat them or I would be wearing them. Well, I certainly couldn't eat them without busting a gut so my mom took the plate of mashed potatoes and shoved it in my face! If that wasn't bad enough, she brought me outside to where my friends and siblings were playing and yelled "Hey everybody! This is how Stacey eats her mashed potatoes"! Then she brought me to the bathroom and filled the bathtub with about a centimeter of water and expected me to take a bath in it. To this day, I absolutely LOVE mashed potatoes and usually over extend myself when eating of them.
2. GET OFF THE TOILET NOW!: I am not quite sure how old I was but this is the first memory I have of feeling REALLY insignificant (which is pretty much the theme here). I believe I was in elementary school around 4th grade. Well, I was sitting on the toilet and I hear my father come in the front door, presumably from work and run up the stairs in a panic. He sees the closed bathroom door and says "Who's in there?"
I answer "I am" (what else?). He opens the door sees me on the toilet and forces me to get off. Now I am almost certain he only verbally forced me, not yanked me off the toilet or anything. But I am also pretty certain that his words were all it took. What my father said, went. From this day on I do pee / poop very quickly. I believe this incident scarred me from having a relaxing time doing my business. By the way, we had another bathroom. Why he couldn't run back down the stairs is beyond me.
3. OH,BY THE WAY, DID I MENTION THAT GRANDMA IS DEAD?: A little background information. By the time I was 2 all of my grandparents had passed except my maternal Grandmother. In fact, I didn't even realize that my grandmother was my mother's mother. I mean, my father didn't have a mother, and both my father and mother didn't have fathers. But I knew she was my Grandma and that was all that mattered to have a special relationship. Well, the summer going from I think 6th grade to 7th grade I was away at sleep away camp. My mother told me (in July)that Grandma is sick and that I should write her letters. I wrote letters all summer long and mailed them home for my mom to deliver. On top of that I made all of these arts and craft projects and saved them to personally deliver to her when I got home from camp. I remember specifically making a Chai (hebrew number 18 and symbol of good luck) and I made her a heart both from the copper enamics art class. I think I still even have it in a box in my closet at the house I grew up in. Anyway, the summer is over, I arrive home and my parents take (us) out for dinner. Then they drop the bomb! Grandma died. What??? When???
In friggin July!!!! So I was writing letters and making art projects for a dead person? They didn't think to tell me then? I kind of understand their logic: they didn't want to ruin my summer, and being a 10 year old, what was I going to do anyway? They would have to drive all the way to Pennsylvania to pick me up to bring me to the funeral, and that would just be inconvenient. Still, I think it's kind of weird. Maybe they could have sent me a postcard.
4. SHE DOESN'T WANT TO BABYSIT, SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND: When I was a camp counselor, one of the camper's parents asked me to babysit. Honestly, the kids were awesome. They had fun games to play with, they went to bed when I told them to and on top of that the parents paid $10.00 an hour!!! That was back in the mid 80's which is pretty damn good. Anyway, that summer, like most, I had the boyfriend du season (my summertime boyfriend - to be dumped immediately after labor day). So the parent calls my house and I had unfortunate timing. I was not home and my mother answered!!! UGH! She should never, never, answer the phone, especially if the call is not intended for her (but how would she know that unless she answered, right?). She tells this awesome parent who pays $10 an hour that I am not interested in babysitting because I have a boyfriend. WHAT????? THAT WAS SOOO NOT THE CASE. My mom ruined it for me!!! By the way, I can't even remember boyfriend du season's name but I do remember that the kids were Jamie and David P. of Livingston.
5.I JUST FARTED AND I FEEL BETTER: Ok, so I think I pretty much went unscathed from 10 years old until I was a freshman in college. Granted my mom went on with her inappropriate comments but nothing that affected me directly. Well, Freshman year my friend Susan calls me and during our conversation she asked "How is your dad?" I kind of think it's strange because it's not like she asked "How are your parents?" You know, asking to be nice. I say "Fine, I guess". Then she asks me if he is out of the hospital yet. "What are you talking about, Susan". She answers that he had a heart attack. I quickly hang up and call home. I ask my mom about dad and she says that he is fine, he's right there next to her, not in the hospital. Susan is crazy. I had my mom put my dad on the phone and he said he had chest pains but then on the way to the doctor's office, he farted and everything is fine. Susan must have heard wrong. Well, I accepted this answer..but guess what?? A couple of months later during a long weekend I brought a friend from college home. While sitting in the den, my father said to my friend "Would you like to see my scar from my pacemaker?" So not only did they lie about having a heart attack but my friend finds out about it and the pacemaker before I did! And we were in the same room!
6. OH NO, MY PARENTS ARE GETTING DIVORCED: Sophomore year of college my parents drove up to Rhode Island to pay me a visit. Now you don't understand my parents. They just don't drive a couple of hundred miles to say hi and pay a visit to their daughter. It just wasn't in them (as you will see in my #7). When they arrived my friend Lisa was in my dorm room. They asked her to leave the room because they wanted to talk to me privately. I got a little tingly because I had a premonition that they were going to tell me that they were getting a divorce. Honestly, I wasn't upset..I was actually quite excited. I mean, I have seen children of divorced parents and the parents like to play "Can you top this" with spoiling their children. Well, they proceed to tell me that they have bad news and the news is that my cat, Howard died. I have had this cat since the first grade. I was upset, but seriously, I thought this could have been handled over the phone. It's just so ironic that they DON'T tell me when Grandma dies but they drive 200 miles to tell me that my cat died??????????????? Totally screwed up!!
7. GRANDE FINALE. THEY PUT YOU IN A CAR WITH A STRANGER????????????
Growing up, you always here "Don't talk to strangers" or "never get in a car with a stranger, even if he says he has a lost puppy". Usually it's a parent or adult saying it to a child. In my case, my parents ENCOURAGED me to get into a car with a stranger!?! It was on the Sunday after Thanksgiving my Freshman year of college (Probably one of the busiest traffic days all year). I had gotten a ride home from a girl in my dorm but she had a two seater car. She called me to tell me that over the weekend her mom took her shopping and there was just no room in the car for me. Well, I had some stuff to bring back to school too and I had too much stuff to take on the train by myself. My parents would just have to take me. We left early morning and about an hour later we were still on the Parkway since there was A LOT of traffic. Phones built into cars had just become popular and my father insisted (though it was only 9:00 a.m.) that he call my brother to tell him that they would not be home until midnight. My father's constant complaining was seriously causing me to have suicidal thoughts. Only there were no sharp objects in the car. Every time we passed another car that had a "University of Rhode Island" sticker on the back window, my father would ask me if I knew that person. One time, we passed an older lady in a car that had a sticker. He asked me if she was one of my teachers. When I replied "No" he asked if I was sure. Yes, I'm sure that none of my professors commuted to Rhode Island from New Jersey. Anyway, I could only tolerate this for so long! As we are sitting in bumper to bumper traffic my father spots another car with a URI sticker on it. He again asked if I knew him but this time, so fed up, I said facetiously "No, but would you like me to ask him to take me to school?" I rolled down my window, asked the guy if he was going to URI. When he replied that he was, I asked him if he would take me. Next thing you know, he was pulled over, my dad pulled over, handed him some money, put my bags in his trunk and said "take my daughter to school". Great, so not only was this guy going to kill me, but my father just paid him cash to do it!. Obviously I got to school just fine since I am here to tell all about it. He even invited me to his fraternity house for a party that night AND carried my bags up four flights of stairs. The even better news: My parents bought me a car so that I could drive MYSELF to school!
Honorable Mention: In the 5th grade I fell while roller skating at Livingston Roller Rink. When I came home and told my mother, she refused to take me to the hospital because she said that I was faking it for attention. (Actually it was my Aunt who suggested I was faking, but my mom was easily persuaded). After spending the night in her bed and waking every hour in pain, she finally took me to the hospital the next day. Yep, it was broken.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Don't kid yourself, Your Kid is not cute.
I have always wondered...Do parents of ugly children REALLY believe that their kids are cute? I realize that when babies are born, mothers (and fathers) are usually delusional and believe that their baby is gorgeous and the best looking baby ever. I did not have that delusion. Not trying to be mean, but when my daughter was born she wasn't cute. She had big eyes and her tongue hung out of her mouth. Fortunately she quickly became adorable. And no, I'm not being one of those delusional mothers I am writing about. Even strangers would come up to me and tell me how pretty she was (and still is). A stranger would not do that. A stranger would just not say anything at all. Anyway, anyone who knows my true identity would be happy to back me up on this.
There are other ways parents are delusional into thinking their kid is cute, other than just their physical features. There are moms (and dads) who think that whatever their kid does or says is just hysterical and so original. Every time you see them they have some stupid anecdote about their child.
There is such a mother in my daughter's Saturday class. Her kid is U-G-L-Y. I know, I know, it's mean to say about a child. But I'm not saying it to to the kid's face or anything. It really is just a fact. On the first day I swear I thought someone dressed up a pet monkey in a pink tu-tu. I can't believe that anyone would think that this kid is cute. But the mother just goes on and on about her child. She always brings up these stupid stories like "oh and then she said 'no mommy, I'm tree not two'". And she acts like this is just the funniest thing. I just want to tell her that the story was not so funny and we (well I) really don't care. When looking and listening to her, in my head I'm actually thinking her kid is not nearly as cute as the mother believes her to be and quite frankly the mother is annoying too. At the same time I'm wondering if my face is reflecting that I am interested in her story or if she can tell that I just don't give a crap and stop talking to me.
The worst, worst is when an ugly kid misbehaves. One time in my daughter's music class there was this girl around 2 or 3 years old. This girl was a BRAT! She would steal instruments out of other kids hands, push kids and so on. Not only did the mom not discipline her daughter but she would just laugh or smile when the kid misbehaved. As we were leaving the class and putting on coats, the brat pushed my child. Oh! NO! Maybe other parents looked the other way to be nice but not me. I told the mother that her child just was not cute enough to get away with that behavior. Now honestly, if the girl was a good looking girl, I still don't think the behavior or the mom's reaction would be appropriate. But for some reason I felt that the child being un-cute made is even less tolerable. Call me shallow I guess.
Do parents see an illusion when it comes to their own children? G-d (or whatever supreme being you fall for) makes it such that women forget the pain of childbirth so that they procreate again. Does He do the same with ugly kids? Does he distort the child's image in the parent's brain so they only see beauty?
There are other ways parents are delusional into thinking their kid is cute, other than just their physical features. There are moms (and dads) who think that whatever their kid does or says is just hysterical and so original. Every time you see them they have some stupid anecdote about their child.
There is such a mother in my daughter's Saturday class. Her kid is U-G-L-Y. I know, I know, it's mean to say about a child. But I'm not saying it to to the kid's face or anything. It really is just a fact. On the first day I swear I thought someone dressed up a pet monkey in a pink tu-tu. I can't believe that anyone would think that this kid is cute. But the mother just goes on and on about her child. She always brings up these stupid stories like "oh and then she said 'no mommy, I'm tree not two'". And she acts like this is just the funniest thing. I just want to tell her that the story was not so funny and we (well I) really don't care. When looking and listening to her, in my head I'm actually thinking her kid is not nearly as cute as the mother believes her to be and quite frankly the mother is annoying too. At the same time I'm wondering if my face is reflecting that I am interested in her story or if she can tell that I just don't give a crap and stop talking to me.
The worst, worst is when an ugly kid misbehaves. One time in my daughter's music class there was this girl around 2 or 3 years old. This girl was a BRAT! She would steal instruments out of other kids hands, push kids and so on. Not only did the mom not discipline her daughter but she would just laugh or smile when the kid misbehaved. As we were leaving the class and putting on coats, the brat pushed my child. Oh! NO! Maybe other parents looked the other way to be nice but not me. I told the mother that her child just was not cute enough to get away with that behavior. Now honestly, if the girl was a good looking girl, I still don't think the behavior or the mom's reaction would be appropriate. But for some reason I felt that the child being un-cute made is even less tolerable. Call me shallow I guess.
Do parents see an illusion when it comes to their own children? G-d (or whatever supreme being you fall for) makes it such that women forget the pain of childbirth so that they procreate again. Does He do the same with ugly kids? Does he distort the child's image in the parent's brain so they only see beauty?
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Calling All Rude Behavior
When I was a child, if the phone rang at dinner time we were instructed to let it go. As a teen, even when cordless telephones became popular..we had the ability to bring the phone to the table but it was not allowed to be used. It was only at the table if someone was on it and hung up as they sat down to eat. I was taught that it is rude to get up and answer the phone at dinner (or any other group meal for that matter).
So why do people feel it's acceptable to answer the phone or text while otherwise engaged in a conversation with me??? I recently had dinner with a friend I haven't seen in a while. I thought it would be nice to meet in person and catch up instead of having another impersonal email blurb. I honestly felt like I was competing with the cell phone! About 90% of the time she was looking down texting a conversation with someone else! WTF?? Was what I had to say so uninteresting that she had to preoccupy her time socializing with someone else? Why in the world would she think that behavior is acceptable? It was as though I was in the middle of a conversation and instead of another party verbally interrupting me, I was interrupted by someone who wasn't even there! Or speaking for that matter!
Now keep in mind, my friend is not an active politician, a doctor or on any organ recipient list. There was absolutely nothing that needed her attention right away, at that same moment we were having dinner. I simply cannot understand why she could not (1) Let the phone go straight to voicemail or (2) Text her friend to tell her that she is busy and will continue their conversation later. Believe me, being the "fair" looking one in a circle of good looking friends...I am accustomed to being ignored. However, usually there is another human physically causing me to be out casted. At least in that situation there was usually a "wingman" to entertain me. I mean, how would she react if she was half way into a conversation and I decided to whip out a book? Is there really a difference? I would be sending the message that whatever she has to say is not important or interesting enough for me to listen..so instead of getting up and leaving I will just find another way to entertain myself.
I knew I could not compete with this electronic nuisance. As the saying goes "If you can't beat them, join them." I ordered 3 drinks, took out my phone and texted my friend the remainder of my story. Then I texted her to tell her friend that she owed 1/3rd of the bill.
So why do people feel it's acceptable to answer the phone or text while otherwise engaged in a conversation with me??? I recently had dinner with a friend I haven't seen in a while. I thought it would be nice to meet in person and catch up instead of having another impersonal email blurb. I honestly felt like I was competing with the cell phone! About 90% of the time she was looking down texting a conversation with someone else! WTF?? Was what I had to say so uninteresting that she had to preoccupy her time socializing with someone else? Why in the world would she think that behavior is acceptable? It was as though I was in the middle of a conversation and instead of another party verbally interrupting me, I was interrupted by someone who wasn't even there! Or speaking for that matter!
Now keep in mind, my friend is not an active politician, a doctor or on any organ recipient list. There was absolutely nothing that needed her attention right away, at that same moment we were having dinner. I simply cannot understand why she could not (1) Let the phone go straight to voicemail or (2) Text her friend to tell her that she is busy and will continue their conversation later. Believe me, being the "fair" looking one in a circle of good looking friends...I am accustomed to being ignored. However, usually there is another human physically causing me to be out casted. At least in that situation there was usually a "wingman" to entertain me. I mean, how would she react if she was half way into a conversation and I decided to whip out a book? Is there really a difference? I would be sending the message that whatever she has to say is not important or interesting enough for me to listen..so instead of getting up and leaving I will just find another way to entertain myself.
I knew I could not compete with this electronic nuisance. As the saying goes "If you can't beat them, join them." I ordered 3 drinks, took out my phone and texted my friend the remainder of my story. Then I texted her to tell her friend that she owed 1/3rd of the bill.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Really, All this for a birthday?
Let me preface this by saying that I am not anti Catholic. And by "Catholic" I am referring to anyone who celebrates Christmas. I am in fact married to a Catholic and I participate in celebrating his holidays.
HOWEVER: To quote my 5 year old, "I don't get it".
I totally understand that the birth of Jesus is a big deal. I'm not denying that it should be celebrated. (I'm a bit skeptical about his mother's story...but that's an entirely other topic which I am not about to debate here). I just don't understand why his birthday has to be a considered a SEASON and why it has to last a friggin month long!
Moses was the leader of the Jewish people. Stop any Jew on the street and he or she most likely won't be able to tell you his birthday (which is the 7th of Adar by the way - THANKS GOOGLE). Notice the Jewish people don't start around December (which is approximately equivalent to two months before Adar starts - Jewish calendar is lunar so hard to pinpoint a true date) advertising toys, housewares, decorations and whatnot's to assist in the celebrating of Moses' birthday? They don't stock up in sand to decorate their homes with in order to symbolize leading the Jews through the desert for 40 years. I mean..that event was HUGE in the history of Jewish people. Radio stations don't constantly play Hebrew songs for an entire month to signify his birth either. Basically, Jewish people observe, reflect and move on. So why does Jesus get this special treatment? Why does his birthday get to last an entire month with reminders several months in advance?
Following is a list of my issues with Christmas?
1. Why the stories? So if the Catholics are throwing this big birthday party for Jesus..why make up the Santa thing to bring gifts? (By the way, I happen to LOVE this tradition even though it bothers me too. I love that children use their imagination and I love using Santa and "being good" as a parental bribe). But back to the point: Why can't Catholics just say "We are celebrating Jesus birthday, but he is dead so I'll give you a present instead".
2. Do we have to listen to the songs on the radio an entire month, or even more in advance? Sure I can change the station, but then I run the risk of hearing another Christmas song. If I asked people to start singing Happy Birthday to me, every day, a month before my actual birthday, I would get punched in the face. By the time my birthday rolled around nobody would want anything to do with me and I doubt I would even get a gift, or for that matter a phone call.
3. If Channukah is the Festival of Lights, why do the Catholics hang colored lights from their homes? This one ALWAYS stumped me. It's kind of like the Catholics raining on the Jews' parade. I can imagine some bitter, jealous Catholic saying."OH, Sure, YOU'RE THE FESTIVAL OF LIGHTS...WELL I'LL SHOW YOU A LIGHT SHOW". But then again, I don't know too many Jewish guys (or gals) who are willing to put in some manual labor time to hang lights on a house.
4. Are there really 12 days of Christmas? I know there's a 12 Days of Christmas song, but is it just a song, a folk tale like Santa? Or are there really 12 days? I mean, if Christmas is truly celebrating the birth of Jesus, then how could it be 12 days? Did Mary's water break and then she was in labor for 12 days? OR, did that same bitter / jealous Catholic from my #3 just want to keep up with the Jones (or Schwartz's). Maybe he wanted to one up the 8 days of Channukah?
Last, but not least: #5. Why do people say "Oh, be nice" OR "Oh, be charitable, it's the holidays"? Really?? Can't people be nice and charitable all year round? Why does it take a holiday to remind them? Sure, be kind, it's Christmas, but try to cross the parking lot when a shopper is looking for a parking spot and you will get ran over and cursed at too.
- Just Thinking Out Loud
HOWEVER: To quote my 5 year old, "I don't get it".
I totally understand that the birth of Jesus is a big deal. I'm not denying that it should be celebrated. (I'm a bit skeptical about his mother's story...but that's an entirely other topic which I am not about to debate here). I just don't understand why his birthday has to be a considered a SEASON and why it has to last a friggin month long!
Moses was the leader of the Jewish people. Stop any Jew on the street and he or she most likely won't be able to tell you his birthday (which is the 7th of Adar by the way - THANKS GOOGLE). Notice the Jewish people don't start around December (which is approximately equivalent to two months before Adar starts - Jewish calendar is lunar so hard to pinpoint a true date) advertising toys, housewares, decorations and whatnot's to assist in the celebrating of Moses' birthday? They don't stock up in sand to decorate their homes with in order to symbolize leading the Jews through the desert for 40 years. I mean..that event was HUGE in the history of Jewish people. Radio stations don't constantly play Hebrew songs for an entire month to signify his birth either. Basically, Jewish people observe, reflect and move on. So why does Jesus get this special treatment? Why does his birthday get to last an entire month with reminders several months in advance?
Following is a list of my issues with Christmas?
1. Why the stories? So if the Catholics are throwing this big birthday party for Jesus..why make up the Santa thing to bring gifts? (By the way, I happen to LOVE this tradition even though it bothers me too. I love that children use their imagination and I love using Santa and "being good" as a parental bribe). But back to the point: Why can't Catholics just say "We are celebrating Jesus birthday, but he is dead so I'll give you a present instead".
2. Do we have to listen to the songs on the radio an entire month, or even more in advance? Sure I can change the station, but then I run the risk of hearing another Christmas song. If I asked people to start singing Happy Birthday to me, every day, a month before my actual birthday, I would get punched in the face. By the time my birthday rolled around nobody would want anything to do with me and I doubt I would even get a gift, or for that matter a phone call.
3. If Channukah is the Festival of Lights, why do the Catholics hang colored lights from their homes? This one ALWAYS stumped me. It's kind of like the Catholics raining on the Jews' parade. I can imagine some bitter, jealous Catholic saying."OH, Sure, YOU'RE THE FESTIVAL OF LIGHTS...WELL I'LL SHOW YOU A LIGHT SHOW". But then again, I don't know too many Jewish guys (or gals) who are willing to put in some manual labor time to hang lights on a house.
4. Are there really 12 days of Christmas? I know there's a 12 Days of Christmas song, but is it just a song, a folk tale like Santa? Or are there really 12 days? I mean, if Christmas is truly celebrating the birth of Jesus, then how could it be 12 days? Did Mary's water break and then she was in labor for 12 days? OR, did that same bitter / jealous Catholic from my #3 just want to keep up with the Jones (or Schwartz's). Maybe he wanted to one up the 8 days of Channukah?
Last, but not least: #5. Why do people say "Oh, be nice" OR "Oh, be charitable, it's the holidays"? Really?? Can't people be nice and charitable all year round? Why does it take a holiday to remind them? Sure, be kind, it's Christmas, but try to cross the parking lot when a shopper is looking for a parking spot and you will get ran over and cursed at too.
- Just Thinking Out Loud
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Facebook Friend or Facebook Acquaintance
Facebook is fun..I'll admit it. If you just take it for what it is, entertainment, it is really no harm. I am "real friends" with some people who are adamantly against it. They will say things like "oh, I hated these people in high school, why would I want to be in touch with them now"? Or "I have no reason to be in touch with anybody that I am not currently in touch with". I can agree with their points as well though personally I never took it that seriously...until now.
It is a little ridiculous. I have more facebook friends than real life friends. If I sent each "friend" a request for some money, or called them to bail me out of jail..I wonder which ones would pull through. Probably about 2 or 3. They would of course be the ones that I categorize as my real life friends.
I have enjoyed facebook mainly because I don't just allow ANYONE to "friend me". I have received friend requests from people that I have no idea who they are, from people who only contacted me because we share the same last name but have never met, and from some people who are neither friends nor enemies, merely acquaintances. I pretty much hit the Ignore button when any of these people send me a request. If I have accepted your facebook friendship, consider yourself lucky. It means that I would like to be in contact with you..I do or at one time in my life cared about you. Maybe we lost touch just because we were geographically separated and got we self absorbed in our own lives. It's not a crime, just a fact of life. New people move in, old people move out.
But here's my latest issue (I know, I have a lot): I received a facebook friend request from one of my sister's former friends. (Notice, I didn't say she was MY friend, she maybe was nice to me because of my sister. But then again she was never NOT NICE to me). For the life of me I have no idea why she would send me a friend request. Wait, not one request, but 2. I hit the ignore button hoping she would just go away but then a week or so later I received another one. I don't necessary hate this person, but I don't feel like our friendship can be justified. She was friends with my sister...then she just kind of blew her off. I realize that with a friendship, there is no vow for richer or poorer, sickness or health, good times and bad, etc. However, I don't think friendship requires one it's just understood. Well, when times got bad..she just jumped ship and I think it's a crappy thing to do. Now, keep in mind..me and my sister didn't have the most wonderful relationship either. I have wished death upon her, well maybe not death but severe pain. In my younger years of life I would have been happy that a she got ditched by her friend. I would have gloated, I would have danced around the house so happy for her misery. My "sucks for you" smile would be so bright it would blind her. But that was then, this is now.
Back to the friendship: Can't facebook have an "acquaintance" category reserved for those who you don't really want to let back into your life but don't necessarily want to offend or completely reject? I mean, this person is in my community. I will probably run into her at some point. When this happens do I walk quickly past her avoiding eye contact because I didn't become her Facebook friend? What are my consequences for not friending her? Will Facebook people that we have in common start eliminating me from their friend list? Could it be more severe like having her turn the members of the PTA against me? Maybe my car will be identified at the super market and my tires will be slashed. Having the acquaintance section would make this process a whole lot easier. This person would never know that they were put in the "acquaintence category", they would just assume their friendship was accepted.
Anyway....just thinking out loud.
It is a little ridiculous. I have more facebook friends than real life friends. If I sent each "friend" a request for some money, or called them to bail me out of jail..I wonder which ones would pull through. Probably about 2 or 3. They would of course be the ones that I categorize as my real life friends.
I have enjoyed facebook mainly because I don't just allow ANYONE to "friend me". I have received friend requests from people that I have no idea who they are, from people who only contacted me because we share the same last name but have never met, and from some people who are neither friends nor enemies, merely acquaintances. I pretty much hit the Ignore button when any of these people send me a request. If I have accepted your facebook friendship, consider yourself lucky. It means that I would like to be in contact with you..I do or at one time in my life cared about you. Maybe we lost touch just because we were geographically separated and got we self absorbed in our own lives. It's not a crime, just a fact of life. New people move in, old people move out.
But here's my latest issue (I know, I have a lot): I received a facebook friend request from one of my sister's former friends. (Notice, I didn't say she was MY friend, she maybe was nice to me because of my sister. But then again she was never NOT NICE to me). For the life of me I have no idea why she would send me a friend request. Wait, not one request, but 2. I hit the ignore button hoping she would just go away but then a week or so later I received another one. I don't necessary hate this person, but I don't feel like our friendship can be justified. She was friends with my sister...then she just kind of blew her off. I realize that with a friendship, there is no vow for richer or poorer, sickness or health, good times and bad, etc. However, I don't think friendship requires one it's just understood. Well, when times got bad..she just jumped ship and I think it's a crappy thing to do. Now, keep in mind..me and my sister didn't have the most wonderful relationship either. I have wished death upon her, well maybe not death but severe pain. In my younger years of life I would have been happy that a she got ditched by her friend. I would have gloated, I would have danced around the house so happy for her misery. My "sucks for you" smile would be so bright it would blind her. But that was then, this is now.
Back to the friendship: Can't facebook have an "acquaintance" category reserved for those who you don't really want to let back into your life but don't necessarily want to offend or completely reject? I mean, this person is in my community. I will probably run into her at some point. When this happens do I walk quickly past her avoiding eye contact because I didn't become her Facebook friend? What are my consequences for not friending her? Will Facebook people that we have in common start eliminating me from their friend list? Could it be more severe like having her turn the members of the PTA against me? Maybe my car will be identified at the super market and my tires will be slashed. Having the acquaintance section would make this process a whole lot easier. This person would never know that they were put in the "acquaintence category", they would just assume their friendship was accepted.
Anyway....just thinking out loud.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Digruntled at Dunkin Donuts
NO, not with an employee...with a customer.
I rarely go to Dunkin Donuts..maybe once or twice a month. However, when I go on my way to work I seem to encounter the same douche bag lady.
This is what she looks like so that you can identify her:
1. Fake tan. Ok, I'll give her credit that she does not look orange. But a tan so even with no hit of sunburn..obvious that she wasn't running or biking or even speed walking outside to acquire that tan.
2. She's in her mid 40's and wearing Juicy across her butt. Ok, when she purchased her pants at Mandy's, the person at the counter most likely asked her if she needed a gift receipt. Once she replied "no", they should have refused service to her. She is waaay too old for that kind of attraction. Maybe.... just maybe.... she's young at heart. But her ovaries are going to dinner at 4:00 and to bed by 6:00.
2a. She wears a thong and wants us all to know it. I don't care to know it. It doesn't particularly make her ass look nice either. She still has the cottage cheese. Maybe she should be wearing some Spanx instead. And yes, I was checking out her ass...but it was only because the Juicy caught my eye. I thought it was a billboard.
3. She carries the dog....under her arm! This is the most annoying attribute someone can have. You like accessories? Wear a charm bracelet, not a dog. I am an animal lover and a dog owner. I especially love when I just whisper the word "car" and my dogs does the "I'm going in the car" dance. Jumping around, knocking over kids, throwing things off the table with her tail and skidding across the floor in her race to the door. But, if I decide to treat her with a quick ride, I'll leave her in the car. She can wait. There is no reason for the dog to go inside a store. Dogs are kind of like kids...Nobody thinks yours is cute but you.
Anyway, you are probably wondering why I DESPISE this woman. Why am I so OUTRAGED??
Is it because I'm jealous of her tan? Nope. Is it because she wears tight sweat pants with thong underwear? NO. My ass may not look so good to the naked eye, but at least I dress to compliment it. It's because:
I HELD THE DOOR OPENED FOR HER AND SHE DIDN'T SAY THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes, that set me off! I am ANGRY! I am FURIOUS! I am ENRAGED! I HAVE HAD IT!!!!!!It may seem as though I am over reacting but here's the scenario:
In one hand I have the hand of a two year old.
In the other hand I have hot coffee and a donut for said two year old.
I am leaving Dunkin Donuts..I push the door open with my shoulder and then see Ms. Juicy Butt With Dog approaching. Though I am extremely inconvenienced, I hold the door open with my ass to allow her in before I exit.
Well, the bitch, and I don't mean the furry yapper under her arm, didn't even acknowledge me. Not a head nod, not a word of gratitude!!!
So as she is walking away from me I tell her "I am not your #!?$# date! If you aren't going to thank me, at least give me a tip". The other people in Dunkin Donuts seemed to like my response but she either acted like she didn't hear it OR she is so self absorbed she didn't think it was intended for her. Next time: I stick my foot out. Don't f'kin (I know last time I used symbols, I'm inconsistent, so sue me) waltz in here acting like you bathe in Coco Chanel when you really stink of Loves Baby Soft. Hmmph!
And while we are on the topic of Dunkin Donuts....why do they use the waxed paper to grab my muffin, donut, bagel, whatever, to provide some sort of illusion of being sanitary. But then they throw that waxed paper in the bag with my food!!! WTF!!! The waxed paper that touched their hand is now touching my food! Know what? Wear plastic gloves, leave them on all day and charge me 5 cents more for my donut.
- Just Thinking Out Loud
I rarely go to Dunkin Donuts..maybe once or twice a month. However, when I go on my way to work I seem to encounter the same douche bag lady.
This is what she looks like so that you can identify her:
1. Fake tan. Ok, I'll give her credit that she does not look orange. But a tan so even with no hit of sunburn..obvious that she wasn't running or biking or even speed walking outside to acquire that tan.
2. She's in her mid 40's and wearing Juicy across her butt. Ok, when she purchased her pants at Mandy's, the person at the counter most likely asked her if she needed a gift receipt. Once she replied "no", they should have refused service to her. She is waaay too old for that kind of attraction. Maybe.... just maybe.... she's young at heart. But her ovaries are going to dinner at 4:00 and to bed by 6:00.
2a. She wears a thong and wants us all to know it. I don't care to know it. It doesn't particularly make her ass look nice either. She still has the cottage cheese. Maybe she should be wearing some Spanx instead. And yes, I was checking out her ass...but it was only because the Juicy caught my eye. I thought it was a billboard.
3. She carries the dog....under her arm! This is the most annoying attribute someone can have. You like accessories? Wear a charm bracelet, not a dog. I am an animal lover and a dog owner. I especially love when I just whisper the word "car" and my dogs does the "I'm going in the car" dance. Jumping around, knocking over kids, throwing things off the table with her tail and skidding across the floor in her race to the door. But, if I decide to treat her with a quick ride, I'll leave her in the car. She can wait. There is no reason for the dog to go inside a store. Dogs are kind of like kids...Nobody thinks yours is cute but you.
Anyway, you are probably wondering why I DESPISE this woman. Why am I so OUTRAGED??
Is it because I'm jealous of her tan? Nope. Is it because she wears tight sweat pants with thong underwear? NO. My ass may not look so good to the naked eye, but at least I dress to compliment it. It's because:
I HELD THE DOOR OPENED FOR HER AND SHE DIDN'T SAY THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes, that set me off! I am ANGRY! I am FURIOUS! I am ENRAGED! I HAVE HAD IT!!!!!!It may seem as though I am over reacting but here's the scenario:
In one hand I have the hand of a two year old.
In the other hand I have hot coffee and a donut for said two year old.
I am leaving Dunkin Donuts..I push the door open with my shoulder and then see Ms. Juicy Butt With Dog approaching. Though I am extremely inconvenienced, I hold the door open with my ass to allow her in before I exit.
Well, the bitch, and I don't mean the furry yapper under her arm, didn't even acknowledge me. Not a head nod, not a word of gratitude!!!
So as she is walking away from me I tell her "I am not your #!?$# date! If you aren't going to thank me, at least give me a tip". The other people in Dunkin Donuts seemed to like my response but she either acted like she didn't hear it OR she is so self absorbed she didn't think it was intended for her. Next time: I stick my foot out. Don't f'kin (I know last time I used symbols, I'm inconsistent, so sue me) waltz in here acting like you bathe in Coco Chanel when you really stink of Loves Baby Soft. Hmmph!
And while we are on the topic of Dunkin Donuts....why do they use the waxed paper to grab my muffin, donut, bagel, whatever, to provide some sort of illusion of being sanitary. But then they throw that waxed paper in the bag with my food!!! WTF!!! The waxed paper that touched their hand is now touching my food! Know what? Wear plastic gloves, leave them on all day and charge me 5 cents more for my donut.
- Just Thinking Out Loud
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