Friday, January 29, 2010

An Engaging Engagement

I often enjoy reading the engagement announcements in the newspaper. Even though I am certain to not recognize anybody in the announcement, I guess it's my way of being nosy without side effects.

What I don't understand is, why do the authors of these announcements turn it into a resume'? Here's a sample engagement announcement:

Mr. and Mrs. Hershal Lunatic of Livingston, NJ announce the engagement of their daughter, Naive to Tyler Snodgrass, son of Harvey and Matilda Snodgrass of East Bumfuck, NJ.

Naive Lunatic graduated from County College with a degree in Early Childhood Education in 2000 and is now a Kindergarten teacher at Elm Street Elementary School.

(Then it goes on to give the credentials for the potential groom.) With an ending of: The wedding is planned for April 2010.

Why are they giving us their education and career background? Is that necessary when announcing their engagement? Where they work or went to school is not relevant to them getting married. Unless you know multiple people with that exact name and if the photograph doesn't narrow it down, I guess you could narrow it down by the background. "OH, it's THAT Naive Lunatic! I thought it was the Naive Lunatic who also went to County College but is a Customer Service Rep.


A true engagement announcement should include the following:

A.How the couple met.
B. What led them to their circumstances (i.e.. why they were single)
C. How he (or she) proposed.
D. Where the wedding is (which is usually included anyway).

For example:

Mr. and Mrs. Hershal Lunatic of Livingston, NJ are freaking overjoyed that their 32 year old daughter Naive is finally getting hitched to Tyler Snodgrass, son of Harvey and Matilda of East Bumfuck, NJ.

Naive and Tyler met when Tyler was rebounding from his prior girlfriend, Ashley. Tyler was drinking in Hoboken with his guy friends when Naive fell for his bullshit line that he thought he knew her. At the time, Naive was celebrating her friend's bachlorette party. Showing a brave face but internally whining that she wants to meet a guy too. After two years of breaking up and getting back together, Naive finally made an ultimatum. Of course, Tyler didn't want to be tied down like that, but then he thought he figured he wouldn't have to work anymore to "get the goods". Tyler popped the question in the most UNORIGINAL way by putting the ring in a dessert when they had dinner out. But then again, Naive took all the fun out of the proposal because she had already personally picked out the ring and knew a proposal was coming. He might as well asked her at the jewelry store.

The wedding is planned for Spring 2010 and will be held at the Snooty Country Club. The bride is focusing on colors, theme and decorating crap. She doesn't realize that nobody gives a SHIT about any of that stuff except: If the food is good, if the bar is OPEN and the music is danceable.

The groom's friends are giving it two years - TOPS.

1 comment:

  1. SO hilarious, SO well-written, and SO true of maybe half of all marriages (at least of the people I know!). I found a new blog to follow! ;)