Monday, March 29, 2010

Just A Day in the Park

Have you ever been to the park with your son or daughter and you see a crazy lady yelling at other people's kids? That crazy lady happens to be me! But I have a declaration to make: I am DONE..DONE parenting other people's children!

It is completely beyond my comprehension why people bring their children to public places and then don't bother to watch them? Granted when a kid reaches a certain age, it is not necessary to stand over them. But your eyes should always be on them. The park is for sharing. If you don't want to share or behave appropriately...stay home.

Incident number one happened when my daughter had her eye on the tire swing the moment we got the park. It was always in use. As my daughter was walking towards another activity, she saw that the tire swing had become free. She started running towards it and was an arm length's away when a boy saw her, looked back at where she was running to and hauled ass to the swing and got on it. Just to get a better mental picture, he was walking with two other boys in the opposite direction of this swing. He had already passed it, knowing it was unoccupied. Upon seeing my daughter run towards it, he decided he had to get on it at that moment. So when he did that, I made it a point to let him know that it was a very mean thing to do. I waited for a parent to come and say "hey, why don't you give the girl a turn" but no one showed up. So my daughter walked away holding back the tears. I really had an urge to push the kid off the swing. Hopefully my verbal abuse was enough to scar him.

Incident number two was with a girl sitting at the edge of the slide. I don't know who the girl was and it wasn't my kid going down at the time. But, I thought I would be a good Samaritan and warn the girl that someone was coming down and that she might want to stop loitering at the end of the slide. She got up, the kid came down..but THEN SHE SAT BACK DOWN ON THE SLIDE! What a dumb kid! I mean, while she was sitting on the slide, she was looking at a bench. Wouldn't that be a better place to take a rest? So, she is sitting back down on the slide and it's my daughter's turn to go down. I give the girl another chance. Hey, not all kids are as bright as mine. :) I let her know that she is about to get kicked in the back. Ok, so I wasn't saving a life here, and maybe she would get just a little hurt..but where's her fucking mother telling her to move?? And, just because I happen to be the responsible adult standing there, is it MY responsibility to teach this child cause and effect?

The last incident was another kid using the slide inappropriately. He was walking up it as my daughter was trying to go down. This time I just said "fuck it" and I didn't say a word. If his idiotic parent doesn't care if his teeth get knocked out than neither do I. My three year old had the decency to get up and move out of the way. I secretly wish she hadn't. I wish she went down and knocked this boy on his ass. But then again, here is my three year old who is in the 3rd percentile weight wise and the 50th percentile for height up against a boy who looks like a monster compared to her.

When she was done with the slide, I had HAD it with the park and idiotic kids and their ignorant parents. I bribed my girls with Dairy Queen and got the hell out of Dodge.

I am also very glad I invested in my backyard swing set.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

EWWW! That's F'kin GROSS!

It's only Wednesday but I can't believe I have survived this week so far unscathed. By now I should have received a virus or been punched in the face. I have witnessed three gross, disgusting acts of "Sanitation Betrayal" (yes, I coined my own term. Like it??)...and I was VERY vocal about it.

On Monday I went into the bathroom at work. There are two stalls. The person in the other stall was obviously making a doodie. It stunk, she was noisy about it and when she heard me walk in..she made an attempt to hurry up and get out. I guess she was shy about her pooping. So, if you have read my other posts, you will know that I am VERY QUICK with my peeing. As she was walking out of her stall, I flushed. When I opened my stall door I noticed that she DID NOT WASH HER HANDS! Ewww! Ick! Yuck!. As she was running out the door (I did not see her face so I don't know if it is someone who works in the building - which means it could be a repeat offender) I yelled "Wash your fucking hands you pig". I have no idea if she heard me, I really don't understand how she couldn't. I mean, I mumble shit under my breath and both my husband and boss hear them when I really don't want them too. I envisioned her coming back in and smacking me with that smelly, fecal contaminated hand. I learned my lesson though. You just never know! I washed my hands and I took the paper towel I used to dry them to turn the door knob. The walk back to the office suite from the bathroom was uneventful. I was safe!

Lady: In case you are reading this, and you know who you are even if I don't know who you are. After you go potty, you wash your hands with warm water. As you are washing your hands, sing this song so that you know when it's time to stop washing:

(To the tune of "Where is Thumpkin") Top and bottom / top and bottom / in between / in between / rub them all together / rub them all together/ Now we're clean / Now we're clean.

Yesterday I went to the A&P Grocery store. While I was waiting on line at the pharmacy, some older lady walks past me and I hear "Kah". (That's my onomatopoei for a cough). EWWWL! She coughed and didn't even cover her mouth!!!! What the fuck is wrong with her?????????? My daughter who just turned 3 last week even says "germs are not for sharing". How come this old lady does not know this? Was she just too lazy to move her arm up to her mouth? She had nothing in her hands and she wasn't pushing a cart. It's not like her hands were busy doing something else. Of course I could not keep this to myself so I said "Ewl, cover your mouth". I did not add any name calling. She was old..I showed a little respect. Again, I expected a dirty look, a germ contaminated hand to smack me. Nothing! Nothing! So my theory would be that people who display Sanitary Betrayal behaviors are passive aggressive. They won't say or do anything to defend their wrong actions, they will just get you sick by spreading their "icky bugs".

The third act of Sanitary Betrayal was also yesterday at the A&P. (Sorry A&P, you're getting a bad rep here). I was on line (or is it in line?) at the checkout. The person checking out in front of me paid by cash. The cashier was giving change and she LICKED HER FINGER to get a better grip on the dollar bill! So fucking gross!!!! Why would she do that? If she has trouble grabbing bills, she should wear one of those rubber things on her fingers like bank tellers do. If I were the customer I would have asked her to put that money aside and get a manger to hand her the change. So now this poor person is walking around with spit in her wallet. I have heard of dirty money..but this is ridiculous. When it was my turn to pay...I took out my credit card and swiped it myself. My germs are not for sharing!

I am by far not a germ a phobe! My house is dirty and I did not use hand sanitizer when my kids were babies. I think being exposed to a little dirt is ok and my kids are pretty much never sick. BUT, I'm starting to think that Michael Jackson had the right idea walking around with gloves anad a mask on!

Monday, March 8, 2010


It's the little things that drive me friggin insane. Ironically, big issues I can seem to forgive, forget and move on. Granted, it might take a slight freakout before the forgiving and forgetting but at least I do move on. On the other hand I have several little pet peeves that drive me bananas. And while we are on the topic of bananas, I will focus on just one of my pet peeves here: The Supermarket. Yes, just going to the supermarket can have me break out in hives with all the LITTLE things that are BIG problems for me.

Let's start with the Deli line:

First, I just get annoyed when the person in front of me has a huge list of things to order. Every time the person behind the counter says "anything else?" with that look in his eyes that are really saying "Please don't have anything else" the customer replies with one more thing that I am internally hoping is really the last! Of course I can't prevent my timing from being in line behind this person, but the only option is to do more shopping and hope when I get back on line the long list person is gone. I am rarely brave enough to do this. I wish I had the guts to just say "Give the guy your freakin list so that at least he can just get all your stuff ready instead of saying "anything else" after each item.

You probably think I wouldn't have another issue with the deli line, but guess what, I do. This one I actually executed but I got dirty looks. I don't think I did anything wrong in this case but apparently I didn't use proper Deli Line Etiquette. So I'm on line and the person whose current turn it was had ordered a certain brand of turkey that I happen to also purchase. While the counter guy was slicing it up I said loud enough for him to hear "I want that too, so can I please have 1/2 a pound also"? OH MY G-D! You would think I stole bread from a homeless person or knocked over a handicapped person with the look I got from the others on line! I really didn't think I did anything wrong!!!! I mean, the guy had it out anyway, and why should he put it away just to take it out when it was my turn again? I was being efficient, not only for the employee but for others on line after me. Just for giggles, let's take the same act and put it in a different situation. Let's just say you are in your home and your significant other, roommate, whatever, is standing at the open fridge pouring a glass of water. Is it out of line to say, "Hey, don't put that pitcher back, I want some water too." Or is it more polite to make the person put away the water just for me say "Oh, can you take the water back out? I want some too"?

My next beef (GET IT, BEEF! AT THE GROCERY STORE! HA!) is with the new check out lines where you check yourself out. I'm weird with this one because sometimes I do enjoy doing it myself but at other times I'm like, "What the fuck? Now there's another job I need to do". I mean there are two times when I can do nothing, just hang and wait with my own thoughts. One time is sitting on the toilet..the other is waiting on line and waiting for my check out to be done. I am required to do nothing for a few minutes of my life and it's sooo refreshing. So when I am forced to check myself out I get kind of ticked. Also I feel the same way about self check out as I do about driving. Everybody else sucks at it but me. People are always holding up the line by not knowing the code for the fruit or vegetable they scan (want to test me: bananas = code 4011) or their item won't scan. Of course it's always user error unless it's my turn and it is not working.

My last issue regards the parking lot. This is HUGE for me and I don't know why I can't just get over it. Why the heck can't people put their shopping carts back in the corral???? How hard is it to walk over to the little hut and stick your cart back in? You just walked around a grocery store..I'm sure you have the ability to walk over and put the cart away. The WORST... WORST, is when someone sticks the cart in an empty handicapped spot. EWWWW, that infuriates me! What is handicapped person going to do? Get out of their car and put it away for you so they can park???? C'mon!!!

The second worst is when someone sticks their cart behind or against your car so that YOU have to put their friggin cart away (or let it roll) just so you can leave! And since I brought up rolling carts..that is one reason why I will never, ever, get a really nice car. Until I am done with parking at supermarket parking lots, I will continue to drive a car in which I don't care about dings or scratches.