Eat Me

Fitness fanatics are self righteous assholes! Seriously! I don't mean the people who go to the gym and work out and keep in shape. I mean the people who get involved with legislation and persuade the government to implement these cockamamie rules and laws for dining. I would like to take my fork and poke it into their asses!

Ok, so I would say I'm "average" when it comes to eating and fitness. In my former life when I worked full time but didn't have kids, I went to the gym several times a week. I didn't necessarily eat well at all times but I wasn't a pig either. Prior to giving birth I was about 5'1" and 103 pounds. I am not 103 anymore, but my pants size are still single digits. I am not one to over do it either. At all you can eat buffets (which usually suck anyway), the restaurant makes money off of me. I don't take advantage and when I'm done, I'm done. There are people out there that don't know when to stop or just enjoy it so much they don't want to. BUT....who the fuck am I to get government involved? Should I start legislation to put a limit on the amount of times a customer can get up and put more food on his plate? No, because I'm not an asshole.

My anger started quite some time ago which I'll get into later...but the camel's back broke when I went to Ihop for breakfast last week. It was a Saturday morning and the kids were at a sleepover. Hooray! I had the morning off! I could sleep later, I don't have to rush off to dance school. Free for a few hours! My husband and I decide to grab some breakfast. We go to Ihop (which I have dubbed ICrap because it makes me crap more than it makes me hop). Anyway, I open the menu to browse and what the fuck do I see? Calorie counters for each menu item! (let out a big sigh here). You know, I really, really want to enjoy my breakfast. I don't want to see the damage! I know it's not going to be the healthiest meal. I knew that going in! If I wanted healthy and not very tasty I would have stayed home and made some egg whites with no cheese and some plain oatmeal with no flavoring like yummy maple and brown sugar. Putting the calorie counter on it really just turned me off to wanting to order anything. Some of the meals had over a thousand calories! I can't do that, especially since I no longer work out. BUT, if the calories were not listed, SURE I would have ordered it! These self righteous assholes (for now on referred to as SRA) cry to the government that since THEY want to know, everyone else should know too. Heck no! I enjoy being in denial. I'm an adult who can make my own decisions and I don't need information shoved in my face. If I want to know, I will ask. If these SRA's are so worried about not knowing the calories of a meal, they can do one of the following:
1. Don't go to the restaurant.
2. Look up the calories on-line before they go.
3. Ask the manager to see documentation.
4. Eat it anyway and then stick their finger down their throat and throw it up. Viola'! Calories be gone!

As I mentioned, my anger started a while ago. I heard on the radio that some person, group, whatever- an SRA, was getting the government involved with Happy Meals at McDonalds. They were complaining that happy meals should not contain toys because it targets children and makes the children want unhealthy foods. Huh??? For real??? A parent, who I am assuming is a grown up, needs the government involved so they can tell their child "NO"? I don't get it. Of course a kid is going to want a toy! My daughters constantly ask for those annoying, toxic play things that they only get when an Aunt takes them for lunch. But it's really up to the adult in this situation to decide what food items they purchase. McDonalds does has apple slices. They have salads AND you can even purchase the stupid toy without buying a Happy Meal. But you know what? If I want to splurge once in a while and get my kid a freaking toy AND some french fries on the side..I should be allowed to do it. I don't need big brother telling me that it's not a good healthy choice. I know that fuckheads..but if it's not a constant, it's not lethal.

Listen up, SRA's....You don't go to a strip club for spiritual guidance. You don't got to a candy store and ask for diet pills. And when you go to a place like IHop or McDonalds, you know what you are in for when you pull into the parking lot. Stop playing Holier Than Thou and make your own wise decisions. Don't force the government to make them for everybody else too.

Now excuse me while I go throw up my McGriddle. It has waaay too many calories.